#okay so I lied and here I am writing again for the clown show

[academyofbrokenhearts]

As We Move You Can't Tell Us Apart

Suna is unusually silent and dismissive, and Kaya attempts to talk to her, with unexpected results. One-shot.

Author note: We saw Kaya implying that there used to be something between him and Pırıl in the latest trailer, and we also saw him touching her cheek. We also saw Suna apparently walking in on this.

As of now, I have zero idea what this will mean canon wise, but Twitter user hanasfx came up with a jealousy prompt inspired by the scenes in the trailer, so I took it and ran away with it. Hope I did justice to everyone who was expecting a fic based on this.

Title inspired by Klaxons's song "Twin Flames". I did struggle with the title more than usual.

AO3 link here.

Suna has been in the bathroom for a long time, and Kaya starts to believe something is amiss.

She has kept her distance from him the entire day, but he hasn't been very alarmed at first - he knows she goes through a difficult period (to put it mildly), and is perfectly content with giving her space until she sorts everything out.

Except that sorting things out seems to take her a lot more than he expected. She had been acting out with him the entire day after her fight with Pelin, but at least she had been talking to him, even if it was only to argue. Today she has been awfully quiet - and he doesn't like it one bit.

Right at the moment when he finally makes up his mind to go and knock at the bathroom's door, she gets out. It looks like she took a bath; her hair is still slightly wet, and her cheeks are pink and flushed, but her entire posture is rigid and cold, and she doesn't even look at him.

He takes a deep breath. Not ideal to start this conversation in the evening right before sleep, but it does look like their bedroom is the only place where she can't successfully avoid him.

"Suna, care to tell me what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing is wrong," she answers with a fake cheerfulness that doesn't fool him one bit.

She had the exact same smile when she had told him, before their failed wedding, that he was never going to be able to get rid of her. At that time, her words had bothered him deep down inside; he had understood her reaction only after she had confessed she knew about that horrible conversation he had had with his mother.

That's how Suna acts, at least with him. Walls up whenever she's hurt - or whenever she fears she might be hurt.

"No use to play this game with me," he says out loud, studying her carefully. "You forget that I do know you a bit better now. I know something is wrong."

"I can only admire your insight," she answers, sarcasm dripping from every word. "Did it take you long to come up with that one?"

"I don't mean the current general situation," he replies patiently. "I mean with you. You look like you are upset with me, and no, don't tell me this is about Pelin, because you did not act like that after the Pelin incident. There's something more, I know it. In fact..."

He pauses for a bit, tries to think of it. There was a moment during the day when he pinched Pırıl's cheek, but she cannot possibly be mad about that... can she?

Suna presses her lips together, her expression more stubborn than Kaya thought it possible. It's clear she is not willing to talk, and well, something's got to give, so he just says it, even if he doesn't believe it himself.

"Wait, is this about Pırıl?"

And then he watches in wonder his wife's cheeks reddening, She's lost for words for a few seconds, and then she explodes in a laugh that is just as loud as it is fake.

"Pırıl? Please, why would I even care about Pırıl? But it does look like you care about her a lot, I have to say I think it's interesting. I didn't know you were such good friends."

All the stars above, Kaya thinks in disbelief. She cannot be jealous. This is simply not happening.

"I just think," Suna goes on, voice raising slightly, "that it's a bit unfair to go on about how we promised to be honest with each other and have each other's backs and all that sweet talk, only for you to have friendships I am not even aware of. I do wonder how many other friends you have I know nothing about."

"Oh for the love of God," Kaya begins, only for her to cut him off immediately:

"And don't even bother trying to deny it, because I saw you, and I do clearly remember telling you not to play with me!"

"Wait a second," he says, increasingly angry. "Are you seriously accusing me of having a thing with Pırıl behind your back? For your information, when I make a promise, I always intend to keep it! I asked you to marry me, and I promised you loyalty and support, and I intend to keep that promise for as long as we are married! Or maybe you're implying we had a thing in the past - in which case, newsflash, everyone has a past! Even you have one! May I remind you that your ex is actually living in this house, and you have not heard a single complaint from me about this?!"

"Well, maybe you should talk about it, if it bothers you so much!" Suna explodes all of a sudden. "Maybe you should ask me about it! But it's very clear that it does not bother you in the slightest, and that I am the only one who is bothered by all of this!"

Before she can go on any further, he covers the distance between them in two steps and kisses her.

She's struggling at first, trying to escape, but then, when his tongue parts her lips and enters her mouth, she stops fighting him, and actually drags him more towards her, responding to his kiss with the same intensity. It goes on, and on, and when they finally stop, they're both breathless, and there are a few seconds of silence before Kaya finally speaks:

"Who the fuck says it does not bother me?"

And then it's Suna's turn to kiss him, and it's not any more gentle than the kiss he gave her. It's so intense that he feels just as weak in the knees as a teenager.

This woman is going to be the death of him, he thinks.

[hey-august]

B, G, K, R, S, Y For the alphabet!

I absolutely love your head canons for buggy!!! 💗

Sorry if this is a lot!

Ahhh, thank you!! Sorry for the delay with these! I had Too Much Fun writing them out! (NSFW Alphabet here)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

For Buggy himself, he’s most apt to admit that he likes his hands. They’re the hands of a pirate and a performer. Calloused and agile. Plus he has a thing for nail care and finds it soothing to apply a layer of lacquer in whatever color he’s feeling at the moment. The pop of color really stands out when his hand is wrapped around a thick cock. Or digging into a dripping hole. Fuck, and seeing how many fingers he can fit? Yup, definitely a favorite of his. For his partner, it’s their smile. Aw, sweet. Of course he loves to make them laugh. To see their joy radiate up to their eyes. Even the sad, somber smile they offer the clown in his moments of vulnerability brings him a bit of peace. But there are two specific smiles that knock Buggy head over hills. That pump blood to his cock and leave him feral. First, is the soft breathy smile that slips out when his partner is on top. When his partner pauses to let Buggy’s dick nestle into place, they let out the most dreamy sigh and smile. And Buggy is in heaven. The second smile is when their face is coated in cum. Pearls clinging to their eyelashes, dripping down their cheeks, mixing with the spit on their outstretched tongue. The moment they risk getting jizz in their eyes, just to look up at Buggy and smile gratefully, all he wants to do is paint them again.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Buggy the Clown is a goofy fucker. He never stops talking. He always has shit to say. At first, it was a defense mechanism. All the humor and shenanigans kept the real feelings away. How could things get serious if he treated everything like a joke? If people saw a clown, then he’d give them a clown. “Lick it like a candy apple.” “Fuck, you could swallow swords in my show with a throat like that.” “C’mon, I wanna see you juggle these balls in your mouth.” (“I may not be a lion tamer, but I am pussy tamer.”) It dies down over time, but never goes away entirely. Buggy will never pass up an opportunity to invite his partner to the circus tent in his pants.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Mirror sex results in the best performances. Buggy rarely feels more like a star than when he’s watching his own lewd faces in the mirror while getting fucked. And Buggy is more than happy to take a backstage position when his partner is in the spotlight. Watching himself disappear into his partner, telling them to keep their eyes open, to move so he has a better view of the show - it strokes his ego hard and fast. But back to Buggy bent over in front of the mirror and drooling. There was one time his partner pushed the clown’s face against the cold silver and said to give himself a little kiss. What. The. Fuck. Licking and kissing the mirror and getting it dirty with spit and tears gave Buggy the most mind-blanking orgasm he’s ever had. In that moment, which stretched into eternity, he was a filthy fuck doll and more than okay with it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes, but hear me out. Buggy’s interest in experimenting is driven by his image. Pirates swap stories and Buggy has all the best stories. Of course he does, he’s the greatest. And he’s done soooo many things. Really! Getting his dick sucked in a crowded restaurant - check. Stealing a chick from her boyfriend and fucking her in the bar bathroom - check. Then getting a blowjob from the boyfriend - check. Believe it or not, they all had a threesome afterwards and it lasted for days. Look, he still has the rope marks to prove it. Did that all happen? Abso-fucking-lutely. Really? Well…yeah. Sorta. Maybe some of it happened after the told the story. Buggy is a big believer in turning lies into truth. So yeah, Buggy will take risks to live in the reality he creates over stale beer. But he’s also down to experiment so he has more shit to talk about and prove he’s the best.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

If he could, Buggy would go until he passes out. How long that takes depends on how stressed he is, if he actually did any work during the day, how much he’s had to drink, and how good of a dicking it is. But this guy will hump and grind until he’s teary and whining. Until his balls are so empty that there’s almost nothing left to release except a few pathetic drops of mostly-clear liquid. Hands grabbing at the sheets and his partner, practically begging for more while his pretty eyes can’t stay open for more than a second. No, no, no, no, no, he swears he can keep going. Please, please don’t stop.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

There are ups and downs, but let’s talk about the ups. There are times when Buggy is revved and ready to go at a moment’s notice. His pupils dilate and his pants get tight when his partner is near. Any chance he gets, Buggy is whispering (loudly) in their ear about finding somewhere more secluded. If they do slink away, it’s a quickie that’s composed of a handful of sloppy thrusts and the pirate is satiated for all of a few minutes before he’s groping their ass again. It’s a problem, really. For everyone with eyes and ears.

[twig-tea]

Be My Favorite Ep 11 First Thoughts

Okay, I took a lunch break at work to get this out, watched the episode and am writing this down now, before I read what everyone else thought later: I really, really liked this episode. Once again this show manages to never lie to us in the trailer and yet still take us by surprise in terms of how things play out in the episode. I have to say, I was really tickled by the fact that a time travel show faked out time travel in the episode preview by showing us clips from a time skip (but then still gave us time travel because it never lies)!

We got more from Kawi and Pisaeng's first time, first at the beginning of the episode where we saw more of their intimacy and all of the careful checking and non-verbal consent taking place after the verbal consent [btw Krist did a decent job of telegraphing comfort and intimacy here, I appreciated the arms around Pisaeng's neck] and a little more at the end, where we get more of the amusement park date and it shows us that Kawi wasn't lying when he said he had a good time. With that additional context I no longer needed a conversation, there was enough happening to be on the same page around Kawi's fears about intimacy and how he and Pisaeng moved past them together. I still think Kawi could be on the ace/demi spectrum and I feel for everyone who was hoping for explicit representation and didn't get it from this show 💕 You're visible and you're valid, friends!

Pear reading the poem over the montage was lovely and I really enjoyed that as a way of showing everyone reaching a new point in their different journeys at the same time (love that everyone gets to grow in this show except for Not, which is as it should be).

[Also just saying that this montage perfectly set up my clown theory for what the final post-credit scene will be for this show lol]

The flashback to the explanation about time travel was a bit oddly placed but I took him reflecting on it in this moment to be the closing chapter of Kawi's growth, that he finally fully understands the lesson that Time Travel Guy was trying to teach him and he's going to live in the moment from now on. This sets us up for the story pivot to Pisaeng as the protagonist later in the episode.

The relationship montage was so lovely! At first I was worried they were trying to show couples growing apart but it became clear that it was about finding a sustainable balance in a relationship. Love that Kawi gets a second set of covers and still cuddles with Pisaeng when they sleep, for example.

Kawi getting sick and having a flu turn life-threatening immediately had me thinking immediately about COVID and I have a lot of complicated feelings about the show not naming COVID.

The scene with the doctor was absolutely shattering, "are you his family?" ...and the pause where Pisaeng knew he couldn't say yes even though that's the true answer. Fuck every government that does not legally recognize our importance to one another. This is even more devastating with Kawi who literally has nobody else.

Pisaeng going back in time makes perfect sense considering his guilt and his desperation. What I really love about the switch between Kawi as main character and Pisaeng as the main character is that Pisaeng is getting an arc. It's so interesting that he's taking the chance now that he knows what he has to lose, rather than before when Time Travel guy offered to help him and Pisaeng was confident he didn't need it. I'm wondering what the show thinks Pisaeng needs to learn; the chance to learn to live for himself rather than for Kawi? To be able to manage not being in control? Or is this less about a learning opportunity and just a chance to get to spend more time with the love of his life, along the lines of Eternal Yesterday?

I'm wondering about the timing of this event in the timeline: I think this was around the time Kawi travelled the first time, assuming Pear's marriage is taking place at the same time in the various timelines just to someone else in almost each one. So now I'm wondering whether Kawi got the chance to try again because he was about to die in the first timeline (since that seems to be something that can't be changed, along the lines of Kawi's dad).

If that's the case, then I would anticipate that Pisaeng being sent back in time is his opportunity to process his guilt, grief, and fears about Kawi 's death with Kawi, come to terms with the fact that he has to face his present, and then travel back to....I really hope find out that Kawi does not die. But I'm kind of getting the sense that he will. As Time Travel guy says, he's used up all his luck. And as Pear's dad said in ep10, there's no such thing as a perfect life because change happens, so you need to be able to be resilient to change.

[I don't think we'll get a Once Again ending because this show is all about living in the present and living a time loop just so that you can be together would be completely counter to that.]

What I want to happen is for Pisaeng to get strength from past-Kawi to face his present, have Kawi survive, and let them process together about living without regrets so they can face whatever comes without time travel. And maybe join Max in fighting for marriage equality.

[Also sidenote, I wonder whether Kawi being less ultra-famous in this timeline is a side effect of him being in an open and public relationship with Pisaeng? He's still clearly doing music work but their apartment doesn't have the same accoutrements from his career that the other timeline did. I may be reading too much into it though; it's also possible that he prioritized their relationship more than he did his relationship with Pear, or just didn't decorate the same way in this timeline, or a mix of these.]

Excited to read everyone's thoughts!

[edit: @waitmyturtles just saw your note! Tagging you here a bit late]

[sg-artem]

MC, remember to continue doing what you have to do

BXKNSKJDHWIBDHOEHDB I will be the first to admit that I am the biggest clown in terms of this main story update. When the trailer was released my mind went on full-on, "AWWW this is so cute how on earth will they make it angsty." BUT ho ho ho PG once again has amazed me with their writing because HOLY COW WTFRIK WAS THAT 😭😭😭 Anika at least tried to reign me down from my hope which I'm thankful that she did because I was too freaking optimistic 😭🤣

The fact that this picture can produce a whole different set of emotions in me after reading the story is just amazing. Anika's rants and tidbits at the end helped a lot because you realize the build-up of memory loss. It wasn't just like BAM this is the angst for the chapter but it had a great build-up even though I cried like buckets during the entire thing.

So let's talk about the elephant in the room. The freaking damned memory loss into oblivion. 😭 FREAKING DUMMY VICTOR HUHUHUHU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. The fact that I also have to wait three months for the next update is excruciating enough but THIS JUST 😭😭😭😭

The whole build-up to the thing was freaking sad and amazing at the same time. It was bittersweet and is a knife to the heart knowing the whole story now 🔪🔪 It's the rare instances where he knows something going to happen but he gets choked up with his words and just enjoys the moment. The small smiles and the FREAKING VOICE ACTING just take the cake. ICB it all happened towards the end as well. 10 minutes was all I needed to FREAKING BAWL MY EYES OUT FOR THIS MAN. 😭😭😭

It's the way he showed no regrets even when he witnessed MC just forgetting him. Also, their overarching theme of being each other's home is so present in this ending. You see MC going back to him with their ice cream and just having a memory wipe but the fact that she knows that something's missing. She felt it down to her core that she was returning to something but she can't put her finger on what it is. The fact that she even said the name Li Zeyan is a great feat in itself. You see her struggle, pain, and overall confusion as what she was doing because the universe just wiped out her memories of the person she calls her sanctuary.

The freaking bylines just hit differently now okay 😭😭🔪 Like I know they'll return her memories eventually because Victor is a pivotal part of the story but the fact that he witnessed all that (ie. the person you love with all your being, your home, and who you have devoted your entire life to just forget about you) THAT JUST BREAKS ME. This man does not need to feel any more pain okay?! HE'S HAD ENOUGH HUHUHU PG PLS STOP. 😭😭😭

So here are my rambles on this whole freaking Victor main story update. I just want to say that I had to write this the next day because my emotions were far too raw just doing a ramble right away. Also, the fact that there are so many past date references within the story like the pool date where they had their first kiss to just the lanterns in general just broke my heart more. It was like reminiscing memories and then BOOM you just forget it all entirely. 😭😭😭

LI ZEYAN YOU DUMMY. I HOPE YOU GET THE RECONCILIATION YOU DESERVE IN THE NEXT CHAPTERS. If you further disappear to oblivion, I might just start a riot 😭😭😭😭 Lastly, freaking Meng Chang was such a pain in the ass. I wanted to throttle his pea-sized brain every time he spoke just AN INSUFFERABLE BISH.

[CN] Victor x MC - S2 CH 44 - Part 2 (Eng Translation)

“This smile is not pretty, and I have a feeling that I’ve seen this man smile even more beautifully before.”

“The falling fireworks are as gorgeous as the reminiscence of tears cascading down from the galaxy.”

Do remember to read PART 1 first: Here!

⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a chapter that is yet to be released on the global server. ⌚  

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

Keep reading

[stxleslyds]

Red Hood and the lost art of telling Joker to shup up.  

Okay, I know that I talked about Jason and Joker in a recent post but this is something different, I promise.

I really want to talk about how different Jason has been written since UtRH when it comes to him confronting Joker. Jason hasn’t been put in that position a lot but the times that he has, he lets Joker talk for far too long and actually pays attention to whatever he has to say.

The Jason vs Joker thing is basic in on itself and letting Joker talk isn’t exactly the problem here, the real problem is Jason letting Joker’s thoughts shape his future thoughts and decisions, I do understand that that’s exactly what writers want though, they want to build the problematic of: “Jason is just like Joker and the fact that he uses the name Red Hood only proves that Joker made who Jason is now”.

But the thing is that THAT problem is overdone at this point and the only time it worked was the first time it was brought up and it worked because Jason shut the Joker down.

Let’s see all the times (that I remember) the Joker and Jason have had a little chat and/or the times Joker’s words actually influence Jason’s thinking and decision making.

 Under the Red Hood – Batman (1940) #649

This is the first real confrontation we get to see between Jason and Joker after Jason’s death and it is beautiful. It's absolutely amazingly written, Joker goes on and on forever about how he killed Jason about how Jason is just as bad as him but that he is also just like Batman because he hasn’t killed him yet.

“You let me live after everything I did, you couldn’t pop my balloon. You just couldn’t. The apple doesn’t tumble too far from the paterfamilias. You are just like daddy-kins”

Jason lets him talk, yes. But he absolutely destroys Joker with what he tells him next.

“You couldn’t be more wrong about me. If right were a country on earth you’d be circling on the edge of the milky way. Yeah, I let you live but like always, every damned minute of your addled, posturing, psychopathic life, you think this is about you. You’re a worm. I’ve pitched you on a hook and dropped you into the brine. And I will beat the hell out of you Pagliacci because it was too much fun not to.”

“Listen to me Joker, I’m not you. I´m nothing like you. I know what I do and I know why I do it. You, you are, clinically speaking, a whack-job. But I know a secret, a good one.”

“You are not nearly as crazy as you would like us all to believe or even as crazy as you would like to believe. It just makes it easier to justify every sick monstrous thing you’ve ever done when you play the part of the mad clown. You are crazy, bubba, but you ain’t that crazy. Look at that. I wiped a smile off of Joker’s face. I have been waiting a long time for that.”

Everything about this is perfect, Jason gives Joker no room to mess with him. Whatever the Joker had planned on saying he had to eat because Jason wasn’t playing games and he was ready for any kind of lie the Joker had ready to tell. This is Jason Todd. He won’t let the Joker get under his skin because he knows the Joker and he, also, knows better. 

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #15

Here Jason comes across Joker during the “Death of the Family” event. In this issue the Joker has information about all of the members of the “Batfamily” and he uses that to mess around with each one of them, in Jason’s case he insinuates that he was present in very specific moments of his life when Jason’s father got shot, when his mother overdosed and when he was on his own before joining Batman.

Jason doesn’t quite believe that Joker was there but as the reader, we can see this sort of sense of doubt in Jason. He hesitates a few times before resolving that the Joker is playing with him.

But as far as this issue goes let’s just say that what the Joker says doesn’t get to Jason, this changes though in the issue that follows up this story.

Teen Titans (2011) #16

This is where that story continues and where Jason starts to buy the story that Joker is selling.

Joker convinces Jason that he has his father and Tim’s father and that the only way for Jason (or Tim) to save their dads is by killing the other (Jason or Tim). Tim doesn’t believe it but Jason is ready to shoot Tim almost immediately.

However, Jason changes his mind about killing Tim just as Tim comes up with a plan for them to not actually have to kill each other. Here is where Lobdell’s writing shows all of its flaws, Lobdell is so desperate to show that Jason and Tim are besties that he forgets that Jason had no reason to stop trying to kill Tim to save his shit father because it is later revealed that Jason truly believed that Joker had found his father and had him captive. It wasn’t until Tim explained his thought process as to why those men weren’t their dads that Jason just goes “you realize, of course, the only reason I didn’t kill you right off is that I knew your big brain will figure out some way out of this” HA, nice save Lobdell but I see right through your bullshit.

Jason bought what the Joker was selling and that is the beginning of Jason’s downgrade when it comes to not playing Joker’s games.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #17

Well, in this issue Lobdell goes back to Jason kinda not believing what Joker told him, and Jason asks Bruce of all people if he thinks the Joker truly “made him or not”. Bruce says that he doesn’t believe that and that he didn’t have anything to do with the man that Jason has become either. For some reason, Jason is actually happy with what Bruce said and for a couple of moments, Jason goes back to being sure that the Joker knows nothing and that he is his own man.

It doesn’t last long though. At the very end of the issue, the trap that Joker had set up in Jason’s helmet triggers and Jason gets his face fucked up with acid or something.

But that’s not all because a hologram of Joker has something to say: “you were supposed to be my masterpiece from start to finish. But you were too stubborn to stay dead. So here is what we are going to do… You’re so determined to be your own man? Fine, let’s start with a clean slate”.

Basically, the Joker insinuates once more that he had something to do with who Jason was supposed to become and that Jason isn’t truly “his own man”, This is all a setup for a very dense storyline that will be continued in this run later.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #18

In this issue, Jason is in a coma after he is dosed with that gas in the previous issue. The Joker isn’t really present in this issue but he does make an appearance as part of Jason’s “nightmare” while he is unconscious.

That’s not all though, Jason has an illusion of Ducra (someone that he appreciates a lot), telling him that “after you left the All-Castle after you went back to the world you continued to let your life be defined by the actions of that man. You became a killer, lashing out at people who may or may not have deserved it. Eventually, you will hurt all those you have cared for. In that way, how are you any different from the Joker?”.

In this statement, there is a lot of wrongs that can come from two places, either bad writing on Lobdell’s part or just Ducra telling lies as a plot point.

“Let your life be defined by the actions of that man” is a sentence that horribly simplifies Jason’s thinking during the events of UtRH, because while he did resent the Joker, his real problem was with Bruce who had not avenged his death by killing the Joker himself. Also, Jason was doing other things back then, like being a pain in the ass for Black Mask and disrupting the drug trade in Gotham as well as trying to control the drug dealing to children. So that little sentence is just a gross misinterpretation of the true events which means that Ducra was wrong, and “she” continues to be wrong when she says that there might be no difference between Jason and Joker.

Luckily Jason thinks the same because he tells “Ducra”: “…don’t you dare compare me to that monster Ducra. I am nothing like the Joker! Nothing!”

Once again please don’t be fooled by Jason’s thinking because in the next issue it turns around really fast and really bad.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #19

Just a heads up this issue has a change of writer, Lobdell isn’t writing this arc, the writer that gives us this hellish story arc is James Tynion IV.

All that talk about Jason not being affected or not believing what the Joker told him is yeeted out of the window and it’s not a fun ride.

In this issue, Roy and Kory find a Jason that doesn’t know who they are or who he, himself, is. This is because S’aru that little floaty little shit took his memories away after Jason asked him to do so, well Jason asked S’aru to erase every memory that darkness has touched (Joker) and he does that. But him doing that is apparently erasing everything which, holy shit, how messed up is that?

But let’s take a look at what Jason says before he gets his memories taken away: “Not only did the Joker almost take my face, but he tells me he might have manipulated my entire life from the beginning! Even the good is tainted by him now. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t have that kind of doubt. If you take it away, I can go on living. I can keep fighting”. So, yeah that was a pretty emo speech. But the thing here is that if Jason is asking this dude to erase every memory that has been tainted by the Joker and he erases all of them then we might be facing one of two situations, either Joker has been messing up with Jason’s life from the beginning or S’aru is just a little bitch.

We will later find out in #20 that S’aru and Ducra planned the whole thing, meaning that they took all of his memories for ulterior motives not because the Joker had actually tainted all of them.

For many issues Jason has no memories and now that I am revisiting these issues, I now remember the twisted and completely insane plot they came up with for the “League of Assassins” and Jason being the “Chosen One”, everything was happening in this run, my god, it's like they wanted Jason to be the center of every single trope in writing history.

It’s in issue #26 that Jason asks for his memories back but the Joker having tainted his memories or not isn’t important anymore to anyone, including the writer (because he is too focused on telling this messy story), Jason (because he has enough problems at the moment) and the reader (because this book makes zero sense and it changes the story and motivations every single issue).

But there is another truth to be revealed in the next issue.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011) #27

Jason has planned along Ducra and S’aru to give up all of his memories to be cleansed so he could defeat Ra’s Al Ghul. But (there is always a but) Ducra says this: “Your greatest enemy returned and nearly took your face away from you. And in the process, shook your sense of identity to the core” “The final battle here will take place in the Well of Sins, and with all the doubt and fear clouding your mind, it would eat you whole”.

So yeah, now we have confirmation from Ducra that Jason had indeed let what the Joker told him cloud his sense of self and made him doubt who he was and if he really was in control.

All that back and forth for these many issues just to say, yes, Jason let Joker’s words affect him.

So here it is, let Joker get in Jason’s head to build the plot of a story, fantastic, the story was a mess because it had so much information, the mischaracterizations of Roy and Kory were at their maximum potential, and in this particular story arc not only are the events of Red Hood: The Lost Days officially erased from Jason’s canon but something quite out there is added to Jason’s canon from before he was even Robin (that’s a whole different story that I won’t be talking about here).

What an insane ride this arc was. Definitely not the kind of story I enjoy in a Red Hood book but that’s just my preference.

*This whole arc was written by James Tynion IV.

Red Hood/Arsenal #11

Joker is dead during the events of this run but the person who has something to say to Jason about how the Joker made the person that he is now is Duela Dent (“Joker’s daughter”, she isn’t his daughter she just found Joker’s face somewhere and she puts it on and “becomes” crazy, she is an incredibly weird character).

She says this, “You’re a lot like dad in that way” to which Jason says “He is not my father. He’s not even your father” but Duela continues by saying. “You’re kidding yourself if you genuinely believe that. Yeah, he took your life but look what you got in its place, you ingrate. You got your freedom. You were reborn.” 

Jason doesn’t fall for it or anything of the sort but once again writers are bringing up the Joker as the maker of the Red Hood and “suggesting” that what Jason has been doing and who he has become is all thanks to Joker. The idea of Jason having no free will is still present in this narrative, even when Jason doesn’t believe it.

Red Hood/Arsenal #12

I talked too soon because in this issue Jason is having some weird thoughts.

“Funny, isn’t it, so easy to call Duela “crazy” because she wears a dead man’s face. Because isn’t that what I’m doing? Before he was the Joker, he was the Red Hood. So maybe the line between men and the Joker’s daughter is a lot thinner than I’d like to admit.”

Here he is comparing himself to Duela and to the Joker to an extent, writers often bring up the fact that Jason uses the code name that his killer once had and they have people or Jason himself questioning why he uses that name.

Personally, I don’t think there is much to build from it (at least not from the perspective of Lost Days and UtRH), it was just a joke, a morbid one if you will. He wears the mantle of the person that destroys Gotham and fills its people with fear while he is trying to control the city’s drug trade and trying to keep the people safe in his own way. And the way he wanted to do it is almost the complete opposite of the way that Batman does things.

I just think that he is being ironic and acidic about the whole thing. He has obviously moved on from the fact that Joker killed him but he has issues with the fact that Batman has yet another child working with him while the Joker is still alive. And Jason really wanted to make Bruce suffer, so him taking the name and a similar appearance to how the joker used to look is also done to get a reaction from Bruce.

I really don’t think there is any sort of connection to make between Jason and Joker beyond that, much like there is no connection between the name Nightwing and the Court of Owls. Even though Lincoln March tried to convince Dick Grayson that he chose the name Nightwing because Owls fly at night and that meant that he was supposed to become a Talon and all that Dick still didn’t believe it because he knew why he chose that name and no one can twist his reason.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #10

Finally, I can stop re-reading New 52 books, I don’t enjoy it but I have to do it if I want to talk/complain about stuff.

This one is a little different because while Jason does talk with the Joker, the Joker isn’t really there he is just part of Jason’s imagination just like the Robin Jason that he is also seeing.

In this story, Jason is helping Artemis discover who she is but he gets captured in Qurac, yup that place, and worst of all from where he is being held, he can see the place where he died. All of that is helping Jason have some very vivid memories/illusions. He does actively hold a conversation with the imaginary Joker and Robin Jason though, and he is also having a lot of thoughts that let us know how the Joker affects Jason.

“This is why it was stupid of me to come back to Qurac. Even to help Artemis, even if I thought I could handle it. Physically, I am alone, but in my head? I’m drowning in memories of the worst day of what was my very short life. The day I was murdered.”

That’s what Jason is thinking but what I write next is what Jason’s saying as he talks to the imaginary Joker.

“Not interested in replaying this over again, like I have every night of my life since it happened Joker”

So, we are told that Jason thinks about that day very often, the Joker might not be involved much in Jason’s books but he definitely has a bigger role inside of Jason’s head. They chat for a bit up until Jason decides to “kill” the Joker, he knows, of course, that it is not real but it does give him satisfaction. (If only they would have let Jason actually kill the clown for real, or at the very least chase him just to show the reader that Jason does actually want to finish the job since the Bat won’t do it himself).

Having said all that, Joker’s imaginary death doesn’t last long because Jason is trapped in his mind and the Joker is basically functioning on a loop inside of it.

That is where the problem lies in this issue because Jason is letting us know that he is still heavily influenced by what happened that day and that he hasn’t been able to walk away from it. But once more that’s not the worst thing, because all of these thoughts have led Jason to think that he (in the present and as a fifteen-year-old) is the one to blame for having ended up dead. Yeah, it is messed up.

This is what Jason says to imaginary Robin Jason, “He is never going to die, Jason. Not here. Not in my mind, not if at some point I don’t stand up and walk away from my memories. From you.”

This is a major downgrade, from the Jason that we had in UtRH because that Jason had moved on from the fact that he had been killed what he was looking for was for Batman to avenge his death. He had other things in mind as well, like I said before in this post Jason had a lot of things going on, killing Joker wasn’t his only plan.

And this situation (written by Lobdell) is also very different from what was going on in New 52 where Jason being influenced by the Joker was used to build a plot. This is just a writer letting us know that this “new version” of Jason hasn’t worked out his problems when it comes to his death and his killer. That means that we are going backward.

After he realizes that he was unconscious all that time and that he was being tortured he does get his shit together in order to get out of captivity and go help Artemis.

The Joker and that whole thing that happened in his mind aren’t mentioned again, it was just for the reader to know that Rebirth Jason has unsolved issues with his death.

Batman: Three Jokers #1

Oh yes, here we are, we have arrived to that dreaded book, awful writing gorgeous art. In this book, the “Joker made Jason as he is now” trope is at its full potential; Johns drives this hellish truck of a book at full speed into our homes and then ends it by giving us one of the worst takes on Jason Todd’s characterization ever.

But first, let’s talk about the Joker and Jason interaction in the first issue. As Jason and Barbara are left alone with the Joker that they came across moments ago the Joker begins talking because that’s what he does.

He says this, “I’m the loop-de-loop, the hamster-wheel-of-doom. The cycle of pain each one of you is trapped in. Take “Red Hood” here, for example. Have you ever wondered why he uses my former moniker? Who in their right mind would take on the identity of their killer? Am I right?”

He is obviously being a little shit on purpose and is waiting to see if somebody will take the bait. Jason is the first to talk and he says this: “I took it because I’m owning what you did to me. You made me into this. I will be your destruction”.

Congratulations Jason, you took the bait, and now Barbara will fight with you over it.

Jason raises his gun to “break the cycle” and Barbara is like “please don’t do it” and boy is Joker having the time of his life! Both of these idiots are playing his game, Johns really did both Jason and Barbara dirty with this.

Here is where THE problem with letting the Joker talk is. This Joker got under Jason’s skin in seconds and Barbara did nothing while it happened.

This is what the Joker had to say. “Let’s look at the facts here bat-people. I bashed this boy’s skull in. I killed this Robin” to which Jason says “You didn’t kill me, you only made me stronger” which is weird because the Joker did kill him so I don’t know what kinda comeback that was supposed to be but Joker wasn’t done because he continues by saying “Yes, you crawled from the shallow grave I left you in. You lived on to fight another day. Hurrah! You survived because of your tenacity! Or maybe… maybe I beat you to a bloody mess… I took you right to the edge… because I wanted to leave you alive.”

Great that’s where the clown is going, just fantastic, more of the “I made you” but that’s not all because the Joker tells Jason that him having hurt Jason wasn’t because he didn’t like Jason, it was all about Batman, Jason doesn’t matter.

But that’s not the worse thing that was written in this awful book, Geoff Johns seems to have felt that the trauma that Jason went through in the original “Death in the Family” story wasn’t enough because he decided to add something new.

That’s why the Joker says this next, “Do you recall what you said to me while I was breaking your head in with that crowbar? As your blood streamed into your eyes and your skull cracked? Because I cherish those words. I’ll always cherish them. ‘Please stop! Please! If you let me live, I’ll do anything you say. I’ll be your Robin’” “And look at you now my little “Red Hood” shooting up people and making Batman’s life miserable! You are my Robin!”

What a nightmare Johns decided to put Jason and Jason Nation through huh? I hate this, this is the worst thing that has ever been written in a Jason Todd story (although I can say that about many things that were written in this three-issue book).

Jason kills the Joker after he says all that, Barbara does (for some reason) try to stop him from doing it but luckily, she can’t stop Jason.

But here is the thing, Jason killing the Joker doesn’t make me feel as satisfied as I would have liked, and it doesn’t feel that way because Jason let Joker talk for far too long and what Joker said ended up getting in Jason’s head and messing with him.

Batman: Three Jokers #2

Yeah, there is no rest for us, Jason Nation, in this issue Jason goes looking for another Joker to kill and he finds one but he gets captured. Johns really had to get Jason naked for Joker to torture him mentally and physically? Johns is, himself, a major red flag but that’s not what I am here to talk about.

In this issue the Joker that captures Jason has the same things to say as the other one, DC writers really have no imagination when it comes to building conflict between Joker and Jason, huh?

Anyway, Joker says this, “tell me something. Why would you put on that helmet and call yourself Red Hood after what we did?” Jason of course replies “Come on, is every one of you copycats gonna ask me the same thing? It’s a joke” the answer isn’t enough for Joker (the two of them that are here with Jason) so he continues talking. “A joke? We left you with brain damage and permanent nerve pain. Physical and emotional trauma so severe that the only relief you ever find is when you inflict pain on others. You and me, boy, we’re more alike than you’d care to admit. But you know that already. You nearly died and you blame the Batman. You hate him for it. Me too. You hate him most of all don’t you?”

Now, here is the thing, that whole thing is bullshit, none of it makes sense. From Jason having permanent nerve pain to Jason hating Batman the most, everything is a lie. And my confusion here is that I don’t know if I have to feel like Joker is doing it on purpose to be a little bitch or if Geoff Johns was on crack when he wrote this and he had actually never heard of Jason Todd in his life before.

The whole thing is a mess, it feels like he is writing Jason from an origin and story that we never read. I don’t know how to explain it, but the whole thing feels cheap, it’s a cheap trope and it’s a cheap take on who Jason Todd is, was, and will be.

The nightmare doesn’t end Jason Nation because these two Jokers have something else in mind, you see, if they said that they made the Red Hood when they killed Jason the first time, maybe if they kill him this time then he could possibly come back as the Joker. Yeah, this book did nothing for Jason.

Let’s make something clear, Jason does NOT hate Batman/Bruce for not being able to save him, he hates the fact that Batman/Bruce didn’t kill the Joker to avenge him. That simple thing doesn’t exist in Three Jokers and that’s why things like the ones that happen next are allowed to happen in this story.

Bruce and Barbara find Jason and when Bruce asks if he is okay Jason just goes berserk, he says: “Am I all right? What do you think Bruce?! You did this to me. You put me on this path. And I do hate you for it. For leaving me in the dirt. Replacing me one Robin after another without a thought.”

This, everybody is what you get when you mix bad writing with Jason being mentally manipulated by the Joker.

It's a shame that Jason is being treated this way at this point in time, in a book that came out in 2020 when Jason was able to shut the clown up with a knife and a couple of words back in 2005. What a downgrade.

At the end of this issue, Jason is safe and recovering but he still is in the same mindset, he says, “What the Joker said about how I’ve been on the path to being like them for years… they are not wrong. I don’t want to be like them though. I really don’t.”

It’s like a never-ending wheel of pain with this book. Jason is talking to Barbara when he says that and he is trying to look for comfort in her. And here is where the Jason/Barbara subplot begins and I only bring this up because something that happens in the next issue is based on the kiss that Barbara gave Jason but then was like “that doesn’t mean anything, I was just trying to comfort you”. Johns shouldn’t be allowed to write Barbara and Jason ever again.

Batman: Three Jokers #3

It’s in this issue that we find out the big subplot that Johns has prepared for Jason, are you ready for it? Yup, Jason should stop being the Red Hood because if he keeps it up, he will eventually become the Joker.

I know, I know! Jason would never stop being Red Hood, he is not on a path to become the Joker, that’s crazy! Jason’s Red Hood is a character on its own and he is amazing and just because he has different morals from Batman doesn’t mean that he is a bad guy! Right?...

“I’ll give up being Red Hood for us. I can be something else. Or I can be just Jason.”

To this day I cannot believe that those words supposedly were written by Jason Todd to Barbara Gordon after Barbara rejected him three times. The level of “what the fuck is this” is incredibly high with this one…

This whole book was a mess and I am so glad that it didn’t last longer.

Anyway, that’s it. In conclusion, Jason didn’t let the Joker get under his skin the first time they interacted after he came back from the dead but later when DC decided that UtRH was just too good of a book they came up with stories where Joker does get under Jason’s skin and Jason becomes convinced that he has no free will (or at the very least he doubts his free will) when it comes to him becoming his own man.

As I have said before, that for Jason Todd is a major downgrade. And it's one of the many things that hurts Jason’s characterization in current comics.

[madampianoo]

Hey guys 💖 Here's Zlatans latest FULL interview with France Football. Hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did. This was such tasty appetiser before tomorrows main course meal match and start of his new season.

P.S. Please excuse english, it was google translated

Have you ever found your stolen Fido Dido ?

"Not. They stole it and I never saw it again. But maybe it was cosmic justice for all the bikes I stole. It's a pity, it was my favorite bike ... "

If you could find the one who stole it from you now, what would you do to it?

"I would buy him a new one and take mine back."

You devoted a lot of space to that story in your autobiography. Was it a turning point in your life to move from the role of victim to the other side?

"No. I was young and stupid. I did all sorts of things to survive. I needed a bike to ride here and there. When they stole my bike, I started stealing them from others. I did it solely for the reason that I could not afford to buy others. I know it's not a positive story ... But things like that are done to move forward in life, right? ”

What would you steal from football today if you could and give it to little Zlatan ?

"Nothing. I would just tell him to be more patient. And that his hard work will return one day. I worked hard, but I didn’t have the patience. I wanted everything now. "

How did you learn to be patient?

"It's very difficult when you're young. But when you have the experience I have now, learn what patience is. But when you are young and wild, full of various ideas and energy, when you want to discover the whole world and learn everything at once, then it is not easy to be patient. You need to be surrounded by people who have experience, who will calm you down and who will tell you the truth. "

What will be left behind Zlatan Ibrahimovic when he finishes his career?

"I do not know. Something will remain ... If something remains, it means I did a good job. Maybe some of my ideas and thoughts will remain from everything. That you should believe in yourself, that you should have your own personality and that you should not refrain from saying something you think. "

Did you make mistakes?

"I make mistakes every day. I am making a mistake now that I am talking about your newspaper. "

Maybe we're making a mistake talking to you too ...

"I'm kidding ... Mistakes are normal, we make them every day and they help us to be better people. "No one is perfect."

What are you most proud of?

"Everything I did. I come from a place where everyone condemned me and told me that something was impossible. I was constantly told that I was not good enough. And I'm still here. I stand still in my football boots. At 39 years old. And I'm proud of that. "

Could you have done more than this?

"It can always be more and better. It's a question of mentality. "

Even you?

"Every person can do better and more. In my head I always aim for the maximum and I am always convinced that I have given the maximum. Could I have done better, that can be discussed ... "    

Do you ever get tired of the attention of the public, journalists, fans, everyone's opinions?

"It's all part of my job. I didn't choose it that way. When you are as good as me, that is inevitable and must be accepted. "

How do you comment on the claims of some that you are a great player in small games?

"Everyone has the right to an opinion and to express it."

Did that bother you when you were younger?

"Not. I used it as a propellant to be as good as possible. I was motivated by such stories. I went forward and looked to never be satisfied. I received all these criticisms in such a way as to ignite the fire in my heart and to extract additional energy from them. "

What do you regret?

"It simply came to our notice then. Do you really think that I would be a better football player if I won all the trophies? "

Not. Even the Brazilian Ronaldo did not win everything ...

"Exactly. Of course, it would be wonderful if I won everything. But that doesn't make me a weaker or better footballer. I like guys who say to me: 'Zlatan, you didn't win the World Cup, you're not a good player'. Okay ... But it's easier to win the World Cup when you're French than when you're Swedish. Let's go back to the Champions League. The longer you wait for it, the sweeter it is. I still have a goal to win it. I won everything but her in club football. But I won't quack even if I don't win it because I've already done a lot more than most footballers. I'm a happy man. "

You didn't even win the Golden Ball. Does Zlatan miss the Golden Ball or does the Golden Ball miss Zlatan ?

"I think they miss me there on that list of conquerors."

You finished in fourth place in terms of the number of votes in 2013, and that is your best ranking. Is it weird that you didn't win it?

"You see, every player wants a trophy that tells him he is the best in the world. Deep down, I think I'm the best in the world. It would be prestigious if I won it, but it is the voters who decide. You journalists are voting and you know why I didn't win it! Ha-ha-ha ... ”

Well, it's not just us from France, there are also journalists from all over the world ...

"A-ha-ha!"

Messi and Ronaldo have won it several times. What do they have that you don't have?

"If you talk about essential qualities, I have nothing less than them. If you look at the trophies, I didn't win the Champions League like them ... But I really don't know how you measure and calculate that. Nor am I obsessed with it. You see, when you do good collective things, then individual rewards are a consequence of that. An individual cannot be good if the collective is weak. "

Where do you see yourself in the history of football? If there was a table, where would you put yourself?

"What do you want me to answer you?"

Who would be next to you on that table?

"It is not relevant to compare players from different eras. Everyone played in their generation, with different teammates. These are difficult things to compare. Everyone has their own story, and mine is full of problems. "

Does your personality set you apart in the world of football?

"I am just what I am. People try hard to be ideal to others. I always say ‘Be what you are and that is perfection’. I will not change because of success. For no reason will I change. Whatever happens, I will be what I am. I just want to play my game and have my team win. The rest will come of its own accord. I didn't choose to be famous. It's just a consequence of the work I do. "

We thought about jumping out of the pattern and what you're doing on the field.

"But it's all connected to the field. People talk a lot off the field today. But if you're not good on the field, and you talk a lot, then you're just a clown. "

Are there many clowns in the world of football?

"As much as you want ... A bunch!"

You consider yourself ideal in your head because you are what you are. How do you know this is right?

"I don't want to be perfect to someone else by force and talk about how I don't make mistakes. Maybe all this is a mistake. But I will remain what I am. I don't want you to send me questions before the interview, I don't want to know what you're going to ask me, I don't care. Readers will judge us whether the interview is good or not. "

When you left Paris Saint-Germain, you said, 'I came like a lion, I leave like a king . ' Do you really care so much about being remembered?

"I wrote my story in Paris and left my motto. Now let someone else write it and leave your motto. I don’t try to make people remember me by what I say. He will remember me on the field and what I did there. "

Are you arrogant or pretentious?

"I'm just a man full of confidence."

Does it matter to you that they recognize you as special?

"I am not special. I am a normal guy and a professional. I don’t want to share my whole life with the rest of the world. I'm not an instagram clown who wakes up in the morning and thinks what is the most beautiful photo for him to post. I share my professional challenges with the rest of the world. Privacy must exist. I don't want to share it either. But I want to share some parts of my professional life because it's part of my job. "

Do you deliberately block the fragility and insecurity from your childhood with your behavior, when the fierce guys in your Rosengard called you "lukewarm"?

"No. And I have a part of the personality that is fragile. I have emotions and weaknesses. There are things that hurt me. It's all natural. I'm not the Hulk, I'm not Superman, nor have I ever wanted to play them. I had difficult moments that hardened me, but I stepped forward. Today, I am no longer a guy of 20 or 25, but a family man with two children. I think differently, but my character has remained the same. "

Are you still a fierce guy at 40?

"People, is it possible that you still consider me a football gangster?" I know you had that title and some picture ... I'm no gangster. Of course I'm still a strong guy. I am almost two meters tall and I train hard and work on myself every day. I'm not someone who lies on the beach and shows muscles. I was born like this and I try to adapt the game to my constitution. I'm not as fast as I was at the age of 25, but now I have some other qualities. "

Does that mean you're a good guy?

"Yes I am. When you meet me, you will see how much heart I have. When they don't know me, people hate me. "

Do you want to be loved by everyone?

"No. I just want to be respected when I do something good. In fact, what is the love of all? There can be no love from someone I don't even know. Love is something reserved for those closest to you. Take Inter fans for example. When I was with them, they loved me. Now they hate me. This means that love has never been as real as with loved ones. Love cannot arise and disappear so quickly. I'm not one of those guys who will organize humanitarian actions just for someone to tell them: 'Wow, he's a good guy!'. It's a 'fake'. I'm going to do something because I want to do it. And not because someone would like me. I do it with my heart, some do it with my brain. If I send money to hospitals, it doesn't have to be known. I'm doing this because they really need that money with this damn crown. And I will not brag publicly. "

Is that one of the worst things in football today?

"It's simply part of football. People want to have perfect images. But in the end, they will meet reality. Everything will be known. Look at Tiger Woods. It seemed to be the most perfect character in the world ... People, just be what you are and don't try to be someone else. Don’t manipulate because it will all come back to you. No filters! ”

When you learned the Swedish national anthem, did you do it from the heart, not to be loved in your own country?

"When I was little, I didn't feel like a Swede. My parents are from Bosnia and Croatia. They influenced me to feel different, to look at me differently, to judge me differently and to treat me differently. That's why I didn't feel 100 percent Swedish. But today I am 100 percent Swedish. Even in France today, many talk about some old France and old times. The world today is full of various mixes and contrasts. And it doesn’t mean you’re not 100 percent Swedish or French if you accept that world. When you are young, you do not understand some things. It is mentally difficult when you are treated differently as a child. People think that it will pass quickly, and they do not know that the consequences remain for years. I was always in favor of getting the strongest blow at once because the pain lasts less than being constantly harassed with small and vile blows. Constant harassment leaves longer traumas. But those people who are harassing do not know that they are backward and live in the old world while we pass in front of them with the new world. It is a world of open minds in which I am Swedish and in which my children are Swedes. "

Do you still think differently from LeBron James, with whom you used to be friends?

"I do not want to enter politics because it divides people. Football unites people. I was lucky to meet people I would never have met without football. From all over the world. "Sport and politics are two different worlds and I am glad to be in the former."

But it happens that you express an attitude that has to do with politics.

"We athletes spread love and joy. I'm good at it and I know how to do it. You will not bring politics into my world. "

What are your fears and anxieties?

"With this corona situation, the world has changed completely. The situation is improving a bit, but ... The other day I went out to a restaurant with my family. It was weird. Then cam video audience in stadiums. And that was weird to me. I got used to it and I only wanted one thing: To go home ?! I'm used to the house, the masks ... It won't be easy to come back mentally. I hope that everything will be the same as before, but I am afraid that this will leave consequences on people. "

When you became a parent, did your children bring fears?

"There is no room for fear when we talk about children. We can talk about weaknesses. When you have children, they become your weakness. Then your life is no longer in your hands but in theirs. They become the most important ... Guys, we missed the interview date! I won't give you any more! I'm too expensive to tell you so much, ha-ha-ha ... "

How expensive are you?

"A lot ... Ask PSG!"

Can I have another five, ten minutes?

"Come on."

We would like to ask you about retirement. Are you afraid to stop playing football?

"A little bit. It is difficult for every football player when he has to retire. You have been programmed throughout your career. It is known when you get up, have breakfast, train, have lunch, rest, have dinner ... Someone else takes care of everything, it's just yours to press the 'repeat' button every day. The first day you wake up at the end of your playing career, you ask yourself, 'What the hell am I going to do today?' You are no longer programmed and you do not know what to do. That scares me a little. But what should I do? Luckily, I don’t think about it yet. I'm not for retirement. "

We in France call it the ‘little death’.

"That's it! Absolutely! After a lot depends on what kind of person you are. How will you cope and how will you fight. It's not easy".

But isn't that some kind of relief? You can eat and drink whatever you want

"After my playing career, I want to disappear. When you are in this world like me for so long and you know what you have been through physically and mentally, you just need to disappear and enjoy life

[daydreamingintheimpalax]

Four No’s and a Yes.

Prompt: Write about someone who gets proposed to five times on Christmas Eve.

Warnings: None, cuteness, fluff i guess lol

Dean x Reader (Childhood friends)

Chritsmas Eve 2016.

The Y/L/N’s house was decorated to the T, Mrs. Y/L/N always went all out for Christmas and to say Dean loved it was an understatement. Dean had grown up next door to y/n and her family all his life, every Christmas was spent with his best friend and her family, their families took turns every year on which family would host the big Christmas dinner. It was Christmas eve, this year, Y/n’s family was hosting Christmas Eve and Day. 

He watched as you sat down across from him, the same way you did every year, this time your boyfriend of almost a year sitting next to you. Dean frowned but for the most part accepted him and tried to make Carl as welcome as possible. 

It’s not that he disliked the guys she dated, he just never thought they were good enough for his best friend, it had nothing to do with the fact he’d been inlove wih you almost all his life, despite what Sam and his parents had to say about it. 

The meal conversations began, Dean smiled as he watched Sam’s wife wipe a smudge of food off his brothers face before then placing a small peck on his cheek. He was imsensely happy for his little brother, he had tried to find love himself but despite all the girls that came and went, none were ever good enough to bring home to Mary and John, none ever compared to, well, you. 

“So Dee, any news about that girl you took out last week? She seemed nice.” You ask, shoving a fork of ham into your mouth, he chuckles watching before he replies, “uh no, didn’t pan out, first date and she was already naming our kids.” He shakes his head, cringing. Y/N makes a funny grossed out face, “Yikes, stage 5 clinger”, Dean smirks, “Exactly, not my style, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart?” Carl pipes up, raising an eyebrow at Dean. Right, Carl hated when Dean called you by a pet name, sucks for him doesn’t it. Dean shrugs, y/n reassures him its just for fun, that they’ve been friends forever and Dean’s the only other man allowed to call her that. Carl doesn’t seem happy but strugs it off. 

It’s almost 9 Pm when Carl speaks, he stands up from the tables, everyone having had a few rounds of wine by now and 50 conversations going on at once. He clears his troat, tapping his champagne glass with his fork, everyone stops, their attention on him. 

“Well, this has been an amazing night, y/n your family is incredible, i’m so happy to have shared this holiday with you all, but tonight, i want to share another moment with you guys, i know how important family is to y/n and i want to make sure i do this right.” He pauses, grabbing y/n’s hand and pulling her up, Dean can see the look on her face, shes shocked and confused, not sure what the hell Carl thinks he’s doing. 

He pulls something out of his pocket, Dean lets out a soft groan before taking a huge chug of his beer, Sam pats his back, a silent signal asking if he’s okay. He shrugs it off. 

“Y/n, i know we haven’t been together as long as other people, but my love for you has no limits, we are a perfect match and you’re a perfect part of me, you make me better, i love you so much, and i don’t want to waste anymore time,” 

He gets down on one knee, Dean watches, slightly angrily as y/n gasps, she slightly looks at Dean and he can see the panicked look on her face, she’s not ready for this, he’s ambushed her. 

“Y/n Y/l/n, would you do me the honor of being my wife, my partner in crime, my forever.” Dean rolls his eyes, his mother swatting his arm and giving him a disapproving look. Y/n stays silent, looking around as everyone watches her, Then, she bolts. 

Dean chases after her to see if she’s okay. 

Carl was never seen again after that night.

Christmas Eve 2017

Christmas was different this year, Their parents had decided they wanted a break from cooking, so they had booked a cruise for vacation, not telling any of their kids until last minute. 

Sam and Jess had decided to have Christmas with her family now that they were expecting their first child. Sam was over the moon at the chance to be a dad, he was going to be an amazing one. 

Dean checks the tickets, finding the seats and throwing the jackets over them, y/n heads towards him, sitting next to him in her own seat and she hands him his beer and the hotdogs she grabbed. Dean was lucky he booked last minute tickets to the wrestling match, not surprised that even on Christmas eve, the stadium was booked solid. 

They enjoy the fights, they’re small local fights, no big names, but they both enjoy it, laughing and enjoying their time together as best friends, it’s been a while. Since she started dating Max four months ago, he barely sees her, he’s insecure, especially when Dean’s around, probably because Dean’s twice his size in height and muscle, but that’s not his problem. Max starts fights with y/n anytime they hang out, so for her sake, he keeps his distance, waiting for her to call him for a hangout instead. 

An hour in and it’s break time, they sit and chat, and before they know it, a voice is speaking over the PA system. “Sorry to interupt everyone, but since we are on a break, it seems like the perfect time to do this. Y/n Y/l/N, if you wouldn’t mind looking up at the jumbotron, we have a message for you from Max.” 

Y/n’s eyes go wide, she looks at Dean curiously and he shrugs, just as confused. She looks at the screen, Max’s smiling face on the screen as he’s handed the microphone. 

“Y/n, i know this is random and out of the blue, but you make me really happy, i know you’re not big on attention and big romantic gestures, but i wanted to do something memorable, so, i was hoping you’d be down for being my wife, will you Marry me?” he speaks, Dean almost can’t believe it, what was with these losers, she deserved to be proposed to, but not so soon and definitely not on the spot, she hated grand gestures that drew attention to her. Y/n barely knew what she wanted to do with her life, let alone to settle down. 

Y/N starts breathing heavy, tears forming as she starts to panic at the whole stadium now staring at her and waiting for her answer, and just like that, yet again, she tries to run but Dean stops her, suggesting they go outside and talk to Max privately before she has a complete anxiety attack.

Another douchebag he never sees again. 

Christmas Eve 2018

Another year, another Christmas Eve, y/n is sitting on Deans couch, the two of them got stuck at the airport due to a snow storm and aren’t making it home for Christmas. They had driven back to Dean’s place and she decided to crash with him, She’d just broken up with her recent douchebag boyfriend and wasn’t in happy spirits. She lies on his couch, sniffling as she watches her favoirte Christmas movie, which is currently everything on the hallmark channel. 

Dean sits next to her, her feet in his lap as he messages her feet, warming them up from the cold. 

“Am i ever going to find the right guy? i mean, at this point it’s become a pattern, every fucking Christmas i end up single and alone, i should just give up finding the perfect guy.” She shrugs, wiping away a stray tear.

Dean sighs, “First off, you’re not alone, you have me. Second, you pick crappy guys, you have shitty ass taste. Give it time, sweetheart, the perfect guy for you is out there, and you’ll find him, you’re just looking in the wrong places.” Dean assures her and she gives him a dry chuckle.

“Oh yea, well if you ever come across prince charming, send him my way.” She rolls her eyes and he laughs. He hates seeing her upset. 

Theyre at the local skating rink when it happens, he finally got her to stop crying enough to take her out and here comes Jack, Jake, Joke, whatever the fuck his name was holding a bouquet of roses and a ring box, smiling widely at her, this jackass really thinks a ring will fix everything he’s done to her. What a damn clown. 

Y/n stops abrutly, eyeing him up and down, she’s definitely angry still. 

“That better not be what the fuck i think it is.” She snaps, tossing the roses in the trash. “Y/n, i know i fucked up, but you’re worth more than-” He’s cut off by the sound of her hand meeting his cheek. 

“NO!” She shouts, a few people now stopping to watch. “You have some NERVE showing up here, after cheating on me and for what? to propose? ARE YOU FUCKING DRUNK? In what fucking small minded universe that you live in do you think proposing to me is going to fix what you broke? No, i will not marry you. Go to hell, Jeff.” She stomps off, as good as she can in skates. 

Jeff, that’s his fucking name. He looks over at me and i shrug. “You fucked that up on your own man, you don’t deserve her.” Dean walks away.

She never mentions Jeff again.

Christmas Eve 2019

Their families get together again, Dean’s family hosts this year, y/n and he had flown home early this year to help with the food and decorations, y/n had run into one of her exes, a guy she dated back in highschool, He’d ran in Sam’s circle of friends, one of his old football buddies. They had gone on a date to catch up, ending up at the local bar with some old highschool friends.

Sam sits next to him, downing his own beer. “Man, why don’t you just tell her you’re her prince charming, watching her get with and dump all these idiots is getting tiring. Even mom and dad know you two belong together.” Sam chuckles, letting out a burp, he’s clearly borderlining between drunk and tipsy. Dean sighs, he’s going to have to call Jessica soon. 

“If i was her soulmate, she’d have noticed by now. I’m not going to make that choice for her. If it’s meant to be, she’ll realize it on her own, not because i forced her to like me.” He shrugs and Sam laughs, “You’re both so stupid.” Sam huffs and shakes his head. 

Before Sam can continue pestering him about his failure to woo Y/n, they hear a commotion, they turn to see Eric covered in beer, calling y/n a bitch and some other not nice words. 

Dean gets protective, not even a split second before he’s standing next to her, shoving Eric away from her. “Easy man, get away from her.” He yells and Eric huffs, throwing his arms in the air, “Whatever, you’re a waste of time, can’t believe i ever dated you, i forgot what it was like being with you.” He snarls before stepping outside, no doubt to light up another blunt. 

Dean frowns, “What happened?” he asks and you laugh. “He proposed, said he missed me and regretted ever breaking things off, said he finally realized i was the one that got away.” She airquotes before she sips her beer, huffing, “Turns out, that’s his game, he was hoping if i said yes i’d be over the moon and jump into bed with him again. Ugh, i hate men.” she grunts before walking out, Dean slaps a few bills on her table before going after her, a semi drunk Sam at his side. 

Chritmas Eve 2020

Christmas Eve dinner is a hit. Changing things up, Dean and Y/n had decided to host this year, flying their families out to vancouver. It’s cold and snowy, but makes Christmas actually feel like Christmas, unlike the warm sunny holiday in california, they love it there, but this year, with the snow, it actually feels like a real Christmas. 

They sit out on the back deck, taking a break from the family game night and friendly comeptition and yelling going on inside. Their families are nuts, but it always makes for a great time. 

Dean’s sure he’s ready, she hasn’t dated anyone since the last proposal, and he’s insane, he’s sure of it, he’s sure just like the others, he’ll be turned down, and he’s willing to make an utter fool of himself, but it’s time, he’s waited long enough, he needs her to know, he needs to tell her, he’ll never be able to truly move on and get over her if he doesn’t at least get an answer on wether she feels the same. 

“How long do you think that bingo game is going to last?” She asks, chuckling and she watches their families fight over who had bingo first. 

“Marry me.” He blurts it out without even realizing it. That’s not how he wanted that whole thing to go, he had planned it out, but plans go out the window when you spend time obsessing on things being perfect.

“What?” She’s stunned, but she hasn’t run away yet, and she’s not hyperventilating, that’s a good sign. He begins to babble like a damn idiot.

“I don’t have a ring, or a proper set up like a jumbotron or some shit, and this isn’t even how i planned on this day going, i’m not perfect, and i have my flaws, hell i’m so fucked up i’d be insane to think i even deserve even half your love, but i’m crazy about you, and i have been since 5th grade, when you gave me my first valentines card because no one in class gave me one and then kissed my cheek and told me you’d always be my valentine. I guess, what i’m trying to say is i may not be your prince charming, but you’ve always been my girl, i’ve never chosen anyone but you, and i realize, i don’t ever want anyone, except you.” He finally takes a breath, too scared to make eye contact, and he sighs.

“I know this is stupid and random and you can totally say no or run away if th-” 

“Yes.” She stuns him, completely silencing his rant.

He finally meets her eyes, “What?” He asks, sure as shit he heard her wrong. 

“Yes, Winchester, i’ll marry you.” She says, this time clear as day. 

He huffs out a laugh, “ Wait, seriously?” he asks, stunned and still thinking she has to be fucking with him.

She shrugs and smiles, “Yeah, I’ve known you all my life, you were always my prince charming, my perfect match, i was just waiting for you to figure it out.” She laughs. Dean’s eyes roam her face, for the first time, seeing how perfect she really is for him. 

“I literally could have been with you this entire time?” he raises and eyebrow and she shrugs, smiling. He shakes his head, not believing his own stupidity before he takes full advatnge, leaning in and finally claiming what’s been his this entire time. 

Safe to say, that was the last proposal she ever recieved. 

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x16 - What happens in Vegas... (part 2 of part 2) Enjoy! =)

It’s absolute madness… clearly not a chapel, nothing holy about this place.

 LEXI: Now I’m really starting to get worried. How the hell did we end up here?

KATHERINE: Looks like someone has a thing for kink.

BONNIE: Probably you!

KATHERINE: Oh, I own it. Definitely my type of scene.

BONNIE: (To herself) Why do I even bother?

ELENA: Let’s walk around, see if anyone recognizes us.

KATHERINE: First, what makes you think you are so unique to be recognized? Second, look at every one here, they’re all wearing costumes. Guessing that was the reason behind your ill-fitting outfit, Maria.

ELENA: Better than stripper shoe ho.

BONNIE: Guys, come on; we need to focus. Maybe we can talk to some bartenders, or security.

KATHERINE: It’s our best bet. Bonnie and I can check with the bartenders, you two with security; we’ll meet back here in 20. (The girls part ways on their assigned mission).

BONNIE: (Looking at the decadence, and straight out insanity) How did we ever end up here… why, god, why…

KATHERINE: I know you think this was all me, but my money is on Radka. Trust me, the intellectual types are always the craziest ones. (They approach the bar, she leans in, talks to the bartender). Hello, stud, think you can get these two ladies a bourbon?

BONNIE: What? No!

KATHERINE: (Whispering) Do you want information or not!? We need to blend in, so don’t be a crybaby and play along. It might help with the hangover.

BARTENDER: (Turns around an immediately recognizes them) Oh, no; you two are cut off. How are you still here?! I’m surprised you are even alive…

KATHERINE: Listen, sweetie, we are having some difficulty trying to remember why we were here last night, and the events that took place in this unholy scenario.

BARTENDER: (Laughs) You don’t remember?

BONNIE: Nothing at all. So, please, help us out? We are missing a friend; we really need to find her and head back home.

BARTENDER: Let me guess, you are missing one of the “newlyweds”. Who, the nun or the priest?

BONNIE: What priest?

BARTENDER: The blonde cheery one.

KATHERINE: (Cracks up) Oh, this is too good!

BONNIE: No, no, no… Caroline?!

BARTENDER: Yeah, I think that’s her name. Except she kept referring to herself as Father Forbes… Listen, I see a lot of fucked up things around here, but I have to say, your little entourage, craziest shit ever!

KATHERINE: So, those two got married?

BARTENDER: Not for real, just role-playing, that’s our thing. Weirdest “wedding” I’ve seen in here… Weirdest thing I’ve seen, period.

BONNIE: I can definitely use a drink now.

BARTENDER: Fine, there’s no way I can say no to that face (he serves them the drink).

BONNIE: Can you tell us anything else?

KATHERINE: Like our choice of costumes, for example.

BARTENDER: Well, there was the nun and the priest… You (referring to Bonnie), were dressed like Whitney Houston, in her “Queen of the Night” outfit, and totally rocked it! You (to Katherine), were dressed as The Bodyguard. Then there was Anthony and Cleopatra… Oh, and the other two,  Britney Spears and the Police Officer; can’t forget those two, hilarious!

BONNIE: I’m beginning to see a pattern…

KATHERINE: Aw, Bon Bon, we were an item! Talk about a dream team!

BONNIE: Wait… Britney Spears and a cop?

BARTENDER: Yeah, they were pretty wild. I have to hand it to her, she totally pulled it off, could have fooled me.

BONNIE: Please tell me the nun and the priest were the only ones that got “married”.

BARTENDER: (Smirks) They were. You two were gonna give it a go, but you ran out of cash, and we don’t accept cards, so…

BONNIE: Thank god!

KATHERINE: If only you were that lucky! But I have to say, I would have paid some serious money just to see Damon’s face react to the news.

BONNIE: Just focus! Anything else you can tell us?

BARTENDER: Well… Cleopatra kept going on and on about a bet… and something about a clown. You (referring to Katherine) and the nun kept ranting about some Doppelgänger’s curse… The priest kept talking to Britney Spears and the cop about this guy, Stefan, I think it was? Anthony, maybe the craziest one out of you all, kept howling as she “dug up” the ground looking for bones… And, this goddess right here (referring to Bonnie); ruled the stage like the queen she is.

BONNIE: Oh… no I didn’t…

BARTENDER: You sure did; and it was spectacular! Best thing that has ever happened to me…

KATHERINE: Looks like someone is crushing.

BARTENDER: I’m totally lovestruck; and if you ever change your mind about that Damon guy, you know where to find me (winks).

BONNIE: Okay, uhm… thank you, I guess.  

KATHERINE: Do you know around what time we were here? How long we stayed?

BARTENDER: Sorry, can’t help you there. Time doesn’t exist in this place.

BONNIE: Well, thanks for the info.

BARTENDER: Till we meet again, my queen (they walk away).

Cut to – another part of the bar. Elena and Lexi spot what they are almost certain is a security guard and approach him. The second he recognizes them he calls for back up, they find Katherine and Bonnie, and take them all out through the back door.

SECURITY GUARD: No, no… you are all banned from here, for at least a year. Don’t try coming back before that (they leave).

KATHERINE: Well, that’s that… Who wants to bet the reason we got banned from this place, was the nun and the priest.

ELENA: What priest?

KATHERINE: The one you married (can’t help but laugh).

ELENA: (Looks at Bonnie) Wait, you found the guy I married!? Who is he!? Where is he!?

BONNIE: Uhm… more like a she… and we have no idea, that’s who we’re trying to find…

ELENA: (Looking confused) What?...

LEXI: And I thought I had seen it all… (Cracks up) Holy fuck, you married the bride!!

ELENA: What!! No!! Shut up!!

BONNIE: Oh, you did… 

... but don’t worry, it was only pretend.

ELENA: No, no, no, no… how could that be??

BONNIE: Did you see that place?! Wouldn’t be the wildest thing going on in there… Oh, and I think we kidnapped the “cop” from here. The bartender told us we were with two other people, one dressed like a cop, the other, like Britney Spears.

LEXI: Why in god’s name would we hang out with someone who’s choice for a costume was Britney Spears?!

ELENA: Why in god’s name would I pretend-marry Caroline!!! We really need to find her, and get out of here, like now! 

(One of the security guards that had just kicked them out, sneaks back to talk to them, sensing they could use some help).

SECURITY GUARD: Ladies, remember, the answer always lies within a woman’s purse… (leaves).

KATHERINE: Talk about a nut house. What the hell was up with that?

BONNIE: (It hits her) Everyone, check your purses and phones…

KATHERINE: Duh! (They search for clues).  

LEXI: I found something… (takes out a clown nose). Doesn’t give us much insight, but I think it’s safe to say that there was definitely a clown involved…

KATHERINE: And a Doctor? (Takes out a stethoscope).

ELENA: (Browsing her phone) Great… the she-devil was right; I did invite her…

KATHERINE: (Smirks) Told you so…

BONNIE: Well, for some reason, I have Caroline’s phone… (she goes through the phone, finds some “useful” messages, if they can manage to decipher them). She sent Stefan a WhatsApp at 10:30pm…

CAROLINE: OMG!! You will not believe where I am right now!!!

STEFAN: What are you ladies up to??

CAROLINE: I’ll give you a hint… Hit me baby one more time…

STEFAN: Hell, no!! Really??!!

CAROLINE: Yessss! The girls surprised me!!! They’re the best!!!!

STEFAN: Didn’t know she was performing in Vegas…

CAROLINE: She has a residency; think she’s living here now.

STEFAN: Interesting… How’s the show?

CAROLINE: It’s soooo amazing!! Have to go now, love you! I’ll write you in a bit XOXO

STEFAN: Love you too! Have fun, but not too much fun!

CAROLINE: Ditto!

 Then she wrote him at 11:30…

 CAROLINE: OMG!OMG!OMG! Bonnie just hooked us up with backstage passes!! I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet her!!

STEFAN: (laughing emoji) Send her my regards… wait… no, don’t!

CAROLINE: WTF?!!! You’ve met her?? How come you never told me!!!! You know I’m a huge fan!!!

STEFAN: Long time ago, long story…. Whatever you do don’t mention Bon Jovi

CAROLINE: You have to tell me the story!! Ooh, but not now, were about to go inside!! Love you!

STEFAN: Just remember, not everything is what it seems!!

 Then she wrote him at 1am…

 CAROLINE: Stefan Salvatore, how dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have some explaining to do!!! And, just so you know, I’m with Brit!!!!!!!!!! You’re in trouble young man!! OMG! Gotta go, Britney is taking us to church!! This isn’t over Mr.!!!

And he wrote back at 2:40am…

STEFAN: Caroline Elizabeth Forbes, don’t trust her!! I’ll give her hers!!!!!!! Screw Kai’s wedding, going get revenge, got Matt’s unicorn… shit battery low, stall!!! Love yooo

 That’s it… last message. No photos, which is probably for the best…

KATHERINE: Well, guess that sort of answers the Kai question.

ELENA: (To Bonnie) I still can’t believe you let him out… I know he seems to have changed, but I just can’t get past what he did to us.

KATHERINE: Oh, please! Don’t be a hypocrite. You can get over Damon killing your brother, but you can’t get over Kai putting you in a nap? Talk about double standards!

ELENA: Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about standards, or killing my brother!

LEXI: (Sarcastic) And here we go again… (To herself) Should have definitely gone with the boys… way too much drama here.

BONNIE: Guys, please, let’s drop this. We really need to get our shit together and find Caroline.

ELENA: Fine, fine… Sorry, Bon, you’re right. But we still have no idea where she could be. We got nothing!

LEXI: Okay, hear me out, and this may sound crazy, but it’s all I got… Judging from the messages, we did meet Britney Spears backstage, right? So, what if the look alike, was not a look alike… what if we came here with her?

ELENA: That’s absurd!

KATHERINE: This coming from the nun who married a priest and woke up holding a dildo…

ELENA: Wait, how do you know I was holding a… You know what, never mind, I don’t want to know.

KATHERINE: Trust me, you don’t (winks).

LEXI: It’s not impossible… Think about it, what better way to avoid being recognized than hiding in plain sight.

BONNIE: That’s true… Maybe we did come here with the real Britney … and at some point, we decided to kidnap her cop pal…

KATHERINE: If we want any answers, I think we all know what we need to do… Who’s up for some good old fashion stalking?

ELENA: Oh, god, really?

KATHERINE: Got a better idea?

ELENA: (Rolls her eyes) No…

BONNIE: I’ll get us an uber. (Suddenly, a van pulls into the alley, a group of guys get out. They shoot Katherine and Lexi with vervain, Bonnie and Elena with sedatives; they put them in the van and drive away).  

Cut to - The middle of the desert. 

The girls, still inside the van, begin to wake up slowly, one by one. First one to regain consciousness, Katherine (why am I not surprised).

KATHERINE: What the…

KEVIN: Where is AJ?

KATHERINE: Who the hell are you, and who the hell is AJ?!

NICK: You don’t recognize us? I mean, I know we’ve aged, but, really?

BRIAN: Look closer…

KATHERINE: (Staring at their faces…) No idea.

HOWIE: Let’s see if this refreshes your memory… Ready, boys? 

(They start singing “I want it that way”, a Capella).

KATHERINE: Nop; I got nothing…

NICK: Oh, c'mon! Really??

KEVIN: Never mind, just tell us where AJ is…

KATHERINE: I told you I don’t know any AJ!! What I do know, is that you have made the worst mistake of your life!

 (She tries to fang it up, but is too weak).

HOWIE: (Smirks) Vervain… ain’t that a bitch!

ELENA: (Wakes up, still a bit dazed) You got that right… (as soon as she realizes who they are with, she reacts). OMG!!! Are you kidding me?!! Is this for real?!

BRIAN: Oh, it’s very real…

ELENA: (Fangirling hard) OMG! OMG! I love you guys!!!!

NICK: Ah, there we go! I knew we still had it!

ELENA: What are you guys doing here? (Teasing) Have you come to save us from our captors?

KATHERINE: Wake up and smell the felony, sweetie, they are our captors!

ELENA: What? No way!… (Looks at them) That’s not true, right? (They nod; she looks distraught) But… but…why? 

(Bonnie and Lexi start to wake up.)

BONNIE: (Holding her head, looking quite confused) Where are we?

LEXI: (Also looking out of it) Oh, god… not again…

BRIAN: Okay, now that you are all awake, we’ll ask again, where is AJ?

BONNIE: Oh, shit… am I hallucinating? I must be hallucinating… I could swear I’m looking at the Backstreet Boys…

HOWIE: You are, and we are pissed! So, once again, where the hell is AJ!

LEXI: Calm down, boys, I’m sure we can all figure this out…  

KEVIN: Ladies, you seem like nice people, (turns to Katherine) except for you. Just tell us where our friend is, and we’ll be good.

ELENA: (Connecting the dots)… Uhm, question, did he happen to wear a cop uniform last night?

NICK: Probably. He always gets in cosplay when he goes to that freak bar with Brit. Last we heard he was heading there with her and a couple of crazy girls… I’m assuming those are you…

BRIAN: Care to fill us in on what happened to him?

BONNIE: We are trying to figure that out ourselves… we don’t remember much about last night, but I think he might be at our hotel…

ELENA: Listen, guys, we’re so sorry. We were really out of it last night, didn’t know what we were doing. We woke up this morning and found someone sleeping in the master bedroom…  he was dressed like a cop, had a face cover and was all tied up… We panicked and fled.

KEVIN: Where are you guys staying?

ELENA: At The Mirage.

BRIAN: Room number?

KATHERINE: Villa 3, we travel in style.

ELENA: We can take you there.

KEVIN: We’ll definitely be going there. You, on the other hand, won’t be going anywhere, unless you can find your way out of this place… Good luck with that. Don’t worry, we’ll leave you the van. We’re mad but we’re not cruel (a car pulls up).

BRITNEY: (Rolls down her window and smirks) Mission accomplished; let’s go, boys! (They hop into the car and drive away. 

The girls get out of the van to get a better idea of where they are).

BONNIE: What the hell just happened?!

LEXI: Well, one mystery is solved. Now we need to find a way to get our asses out of here.

KATHERINE: Who wants to bet fangirl here (referring to Elena), was the one that kidnapped their cop friend.

ELENA: God! Do you have a mute button or something!

BONNIE: (Caroline’s phone rings) Shit! It’s Damon! What should I do?!

LEXI: Given our current situation, I really think you should answer… (Bonnie takes the call).

DAMON: Care, it’s Damon… Listen ...The bachelor party got a little crazy and, well...we lost Stefan.

BONNIE: Uhm…think we might have a problem of our own…

DAMON: Bon?

BONNIE: It’s me, I think… Anyway; the bachelorette got a little crazy too, and, well… we lost Caroline.

DAMON: (Can’t help but laugh) Where are you?

BONNIE: (Embarrassed) In the middle of the desert…

DAMON: So are we! Maybe we can find each other…

BONNIE: Damon, this desert is huge, there’s no way we are going to find each other.

DAMON: Bon Bon, are you forgetting we have a psychic link? We can find each other.

BONNIE: Well, I can feel you… but my powers are all screwed up…

DAMON: (Getting some of his senses back; he takes a closer look and realizes that what he thought was a mirage, might be something else…) Bon, I don’t think you need your powers; just turn around…

BONNIE: What?

DAMON: Just turn around… (she turns around; at a distance she sees some shadows).

BONNIE: Okay, I turned around…. all I see is desert, and some weird shadows.

DAMON: That’s because you have horrible vision. Keep walking… (teasing, with a ghost like voice) walk towards the shadows, Bon Bon. What do you see? (She walks, until she finally has a better vision of what is on the other side…).

BONNIE: I might still be drunk… but I swear, I think I see you?

DAMON: (Smiles) And you would be right. Told you we would find each other, we always do. (They laugh and reunite with that iconic Bamon hug).

LEXI: (Who has also turned around and spotted the boys) Well, will you look at that, what are the odds! Come on, ladies, looks like we aren’t the only ones lost (they walk towards the boys).

KATHERINE: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie hug, turns to Elena, who is also watching) Ouch! 

Stings, doesn’t it?

ELENA: (Tired of this endless feud of theirs) What do you want from me?

KATHERINE: I want you to admit it.

ELENA: Admit what?

KATHERINE: That you are jealous. You know, deep down inside, we are not that different.

ELENA: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie) I guess we aren’t… 

(she walks away; Katherine smirks).

DAMON: (To the side) Listen, Bon, before word gets out, I need to tell you myself… (Shameful) I stripped danced to Britney Spears…

BONNIE: (Laughs) 

Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses him). 

Listen, I have a confession of my own…

DAMON: (Knowing what she’s about to say) Oh no… you didn’t?!

BONNIE: (Shameful) I did…

DAMON: “Queen of the Night”...?

BONNIE: The works…  Except, this time it wasn’t in front of a mirror…

DAMON: Oh, god…where?

BONNIE: Center stage, at this weird ass club.

DAMON: (Laughs, and teases) Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses her; they laugh in complicity).

BONNIE: Okay… I’m not even gonna ask why you guys have a cop car, or why you are in your underwear. We need to move fast if we want to find the bride and groom in time to catch the last plane out.

DAMON: I feel like a no questions policy is the best way to go for now.

BONNIE: I agree. Unless you want to know why Caroline and Elena got married, dressed like a nun and a priest…

DAMON: (Laughs) Oh, I don’t want to know, I need to know!

BONNIE: (Smirks) No questions policy… (gives him a peck on the lips). Come on, let’s get out of here.

Cut to – The girl’s villa. After a few failed attempts the gang finally manages to find their way out of the desert and back to the villa.  

 DAMON: (Looking at the wreckage) 

Jesus, Bon! And I thought our hotel bill was gonna be bad.

BONNIE: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

ALARIC: Okay, so what’s the plan? We got two hours to make the flight, and we are still clueless as to where they are.

KAI: Let’s think… Britney said Stefan was where he belonged; where could that be?

IKER: Yeah, I don’t think we can make any sense out of what she said. That girl got some issues!

ELENA: Tell me about it! She’s definitely overrated. 

(Radka, who had stayed behind, given her condition, comes out of one of the bedrooms; as soon as she sees Ric, she runs to hug him).

RADKA: God, am I glad to see you!

ALARIC: Me too (they kiss).

RADKA: Remind me never to trust champagne again!

ALARIC: I know, champagne bad…

DAMON: Okay, enough with the reunions, can we focus here people! Clock is ticking!

BONNIE: Yes, but first we need to check if our hostage situation has been taken care of.

DAMON: Hostage situation? Bon Bon, what did you do?

BONNIE: Better to leave that unanswered. Elena, come with me?

ELENA: (Sarcastic) For better or worse… (They go into the master bedroom; the place is exactly how they left it. Someone, AJ apparently, still sleeping on the bed, covered from head to toe).

BONNIE: That’s strange… you would have thought they had come to get him already…

ELENA: Yeah, something seems off…

BONNIE: Let’s take a peek… (they approach the bed and check under the covers…) Holy shit! 

(She takes Elena’s hand and immediately teleports out of the room).

ELENA: (Dizzy) Bonnie!

BONNIE: Sorry, I was not expecting to see that!!

ELENA: Yeah, neither was I… (she and Bonnie laugh in complicity).

DAMON: What happened?

BONNIE: Uhm, well... we found Stefan…

DAMON: That’s great! One down, one to go. So… (looks around) where is he?

BONNIE: In the master bedroom… But I would really advise you prepare yourself for what you are about to see…

DAMON: Oh, come on, can’t be that bad…

BONNIE: Trust me, it can.

 Damon goes into the master bedroom, approaches the bed cautiously, takes the cover off… It’s Stefan alright, but just as Bonnie had warned him, he was definitely not expecting to see him like that. There he was, his beloved brother, wearing a schoolgirl outfit; blonde wig, piggy tails with pink scrunchies; lovely makeup; impeccable manicured hands, one holding a dildo, the other, a disposable camera.

DAMON: (To himself, sarcastically) Well, this picture is going to haunt me forever… 

(Stefan begins to wake up slowly). Hello, brother (smirks).

STEFAN: Damon…(looking very dazed and confused) Where am I?

DAMON: (Mocking)  Here’s a better question… Who are you?

STEFAN: What?

DAMON: Oh, brother (points to the mirror above the bed), look...

STEFAN: (Looks at the mirror… she got him)  It’s Britney… bitch! (He then realizes what he is holding in his hand, and immediately throws it as far away as he can).

DAMON: How many times did I tell you not to mess with the Brit! Anyway, no time for hangover regrets; we are in a bit of a predicament…

STEFAN: No shit, Damon! Look at me!

DAMON: I’d rather not, but that’s not what I’m talking about… Your bride is MIA.

STEFAN: What! I knew this was a terrible idea!

DAMON: Calm down, bro. I’m sure we’ll find her, sooner or later. Hopefully in a less compromising position. (Suddenly, he hears moans coming from the bathroom…) Ha, you gotta be kidding me! (He goes inside. Just as he suspected, there, lying in the bathtub, was the missing piece… The bride, dressed like a priest, empty bottle of vodka in one hand, a disposable camera in the other. He smirks; can’t resist to greet her with sarcastic commentary). Forgive me father, for I have sinned…

CAROLINE: (Very confused) Damon?... What are you doing here? 

(Looks around) … Where is here… (Grabs her head) God, my head is killing me… (looks at her attire) What the… What the hell happened last night?!!

DAMON: Wouldn’t we all like to know, but judging from what we’ve seen so far, it’s probably best that we don’t. Come on (helps her up), we need to move fast if you want to make it to the church on time.

CAROLINE: Oh, you better get me to the church on time! Let’s go! Wait… (goes back to the tub and takes the camera).

DAMON: (As they are about to walk out of the bathroom) Just a heads up, Barbie; brace yourself for what you are about to see (smirks)…

 The gang, avoiding any further questioning, focus on reassembling, packing it up, and fleeing as fast as possible. Close call, but they manage to catch their flight, and finally, head back home. A promise was made, no one was to talk about what happened, if they ever remembered. What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas… but, did it?

 TVD 9X17 - I will love you forever. Coming next! Hope you stop by, read, and enjoy! =)

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

would it matter at all? (Spinel X Reader)

Funny how these feelings of depression just hit you so suddenly eh? One minute you’re fine and the next the tears are coming and you’re trying to keep them back and just pretend like you’re okay for others? Yeah... it’s that kinda night for me... I wish I had my own Spinel... I understand her pain...

So I wrote this when I should have been doing something more productive but I had to just do this. I had to write for this lovely gem that I’ve grown to adore and would die for.

Warning: Some intrusive thoughts and implied suicidal thoughts as well so reader discretion is advised.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82hLvgGuDu8

If I wasn't here tomorrow would anybody care If my time was up I'd wanna know You were happy I was there

The past exists just to hurt the present person you are today. That’s how you always saw it at least.

There was one person who understood that the most though, and that was the new gem that had come into your life. At first you didn’t trust her, she tried to kill your friends, including one of your best friends Steven. And yet, you were amazed that the sweet boy was able to get her to stop what she was doing through a series of mishaps and helping the gems rediscover themselves, for better or worse.

You helped him the entire time, and reflected on your own life before you met Steven. Unlike Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet, you didn’t enjoy rediscovering the person you became today, because you still didn’t like yourself.

Beach City was a good place, but the place you came from before this wasn’t. It felt like you were the only person in the world because you knew you were different from everyone, and they made sure to remind you of it everyday. You felt worthless, rejected and cast out from the others and you actually believed that maybe you deserved it, maybe you shouldn’t have even been here.

At times you started to wonder, would it even matter if you disappeared? Would anything you did from here on out matter at all?

You wondered that, at least until the gem, Spinel was her name, had showed the person she used to be. A sweet, lovely little gem that you found extremely endearing every time she tried to play with you. She actually made you smile as you would giggle and blush whenever she got so close and playfully poked you to try and play a game with you. How could such a murderous clown be such a little sweetheart?

That’s what made you really wonder, but then you got your answers when she started to remember and reveal her backstory, her time in the garden after Pink Diamond… just left her there. For all those millenia, the poor gem stood there, alone and waiting for the person she thought was her friend…

Your heart broke for her, you wept for her as she reformed back to the same, maniacal gem that tried to kill you and Steven. Except she wasn’t just a maniacal gem, she was a broken, self-loathing individual that you saw yourself a lot in. She didn’t deserve what Pink did to her, and you knew that she hated the person she became, you knew that because you hated the person you became too after people hurt you…

But you didn’t want to fight her anymore, you wanted to reach out to her when Steven failed to get through to her for a moment.

“I know what it’s like! I understand what you’ve been through!” You exclaimed after she decided that no, she didn’t want to hurt Steven anymore. She looked up, eyes wide but her expression still had disbelief on it as her eyes narrowed into a scowl.

“How could you know? How could know anything like that?! You’re just some stupid human! Worse than even this loser…” She was skeptical, and you understood why, because you didn’t know who else could understand the feeling of being abandoned.

A sardonic chuckle left your lips, “You’re right… I AM a stupid human…” You almost weren’t offended by her insult though, nor were you deterred by the hateful look in her eyes. “I understand… because I used to be a happier person… I used to smile all the time and I can’t even remember why… but when I got older… I stopped… people just… didn’t want to be around me… I knew they didn’t… they looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo… and they just left… I was all by myself for a really long time…” Tears sprung to your eyes as you recollected the way you dramatically changed from a happy child to a moody young adult as Steven glanced at you sympathetically. He knew your story all too well, and honestly you thought that if it wasn’t for him, you’d probably be somewhere else… not with him or the gems and Connie and Greg…

The pink gem’s glare gradually softened into a mix of shock and confusion, her eyes widening slightly when she heard your words telling a story that were making her feel some type of way that she didn’t understand. All she could understand, was the pain in your voice and your eyes as you wiped the tears away even as they fell.

“I know your pain Spinel… I really do… I mean… 10 years is nothing compared to 5000 years but… I understand… what it’s like to feel… unwanted and… abandoned…” You mumbled with your eyes downcast as Spinel seemed to rethink more on what she really wanted to do after listening to you and Steven…

No. She didn’t want to destroy this planet anymore…

And you couldn’t lie, you were relieved when she and Steven were able to make the injector stop from destroying the planet. Maybe you didn’t want to die today, not when you had friends like Steven, Connie, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and Greg still around. You’d live for their sakes…

Yet, you couldn’t get Spinel out of your mind even as she went along with the Diamonds. Your [E/C] eyes welled with tears when she joined the Diamonds when they decided to take her in and you rushed over next to Steven when they shared a good bye peace sign.

If I wasn't here tomorrow would anyone lose sleep If I wasn't hard and hollow Then maybe you would miss me

 “Spinel!” You refused to cry, but you couldn’t help as you sniffled and waved your arm out to wave. “Take care! Come back whenever okay?! I want to… be your friend when you decide to come back!!” As tears dripped down your cheeks you made yourself grin as you waved vigorously to the stunned gem.

Her pink eyes going wide as a soft gasp left her, focusing entirely on you as you turned smaller and smaller from where she was at. A small blush sporting onto her streaked cheeks as she looked at you, and you were smiling at her. The human who could understand what she had felt…

You wanted to be her friend…?

She couldn’t even find the words as all she could do was stare and watch you wave with a broken smile and misty eyes with the tears down your cheeks. Spinel didn’t even realize the tears in her own eyes as she picked up her hand to wave back at you, still looking surprised and confused…

Why would you want to be her friend even after all of that…?

TWO WEEKS LATER

Although it had been a while since the entire incident that nearly ended in the world ending and you started to think that you probably should have been surprised that you survived yet another semi-apocalypse. But after the gems invading several times you remembered that had learned to get used to the world almost ending. Except unlike all of those other times, you couldn’t stop thinking about that gem. She wasn’t like the other gems, not even Lapis, a gem you had considered a dear friend.

Spinel was different. From the moment you saw what had happened to her, something tugged at your heart and made you realize that she wasn’t the only person who felt so rejected and discarded from people you just wanted to be with. You lied in your bed under your covers, remembering the way the pink gem would giggle and smile at you before she reformed back to the person she was today. Her innocence reminded you so much of who you used to be, and it was almost too painful to think about…

To have that childhood happiness shattered by the cruelty from another person, and to become a bitter, almost hateful person because of that pain being too much to bear. It fucking hurt…

You hurt just thinking about what kind of pain Spinel must have endured just waiting in that garden for someone who was never going to come back. What if she never got that message and just stood there forever? God you didn’t want to think about it…

You almost wished she was here so you could hug her and tell her that she didn’t deserve that, and that she deserved to be happy. But at the same time, you thought you were kidding yourself. Why would Spinel remember you? You weren’t anything special, she said so herself, you were just a stupid human.

Hell, you were lucky that Steven was kind enough to give you the time of day. Why would Spinel do the same?

Sighing and wiping your eyes you tried to go to sleep, but then you gasped aloud when you thought you heard something outside. Your parents were home, but they slept so deeply you were certain that not even an earthquake would wake them up. Then again, even if they did wake up, it’s not like you couldn’t handle yourself.

Well, you couldn’t really handle yourself well, but you didn’t care about yourself. At this point nothing mattered about you at all. And you told yourself that almost every day.

So you peered out your window to see if it was maybe just the wind, but your eyes went wide when you saw her…

Spinel, standing outside in your backyard with Steven accompanying her and pointing up when he had seen you. Wide eyes met as you gasped quietly. She looked just as shocked as you did, but she perked up when she saw your visage leave, “W-Where’d she go…?” She asked Steven almost nervously as he chuckled.

“Don’t worry she’s coming down.” He could tell you were excited, because he was very observant when it came to people. And he knew that Spinel had been on your mind the whole time, so he was more than happy to lead Spinel to your house when she came for a visit and asked about ‘the human with the [H/C] hair and [E/C] eyes’.

And her worries were put to rest when she saw you open that door, clad in just your (F/C) pajamas with a big smile on your face. “Spinel!” You exclaimed rather quietly, running over to her as her eyes widened slowly in shock at how close you were getting before you stopped right in front of her.

She looked a bit defensive, as if she wasn’t certain how to react to your excitement to see her. The diamonds treated her well and were in fact very good to her, but it’s been a long time since she’s seen that kind of joy directed at her. In fact, usually that’s what she had done in the past to… her…

“Hi… you’re that human.” Spinel remembered you, which secretly surprised you. “(Y/N) right?” She asked to clarify, and heat rose on your cheeks when she said your name for the first time. “Uh huh… that’s me.” An awkward smile came to your lips, something Spinel couldn’t help but mimic since she felt just as awkward as you did.

Something Steven immediately picked up with a small grin, “I’ll just leave you two be for the time being okay? I hope you’re having a good night (Y/N).” He knew when to leave two people alone and you perked up, feeling rather terrible that you forgot that Steven was there. “O-Oh! Thank you… s-sorry Steven…” You apologized to him sheepishly but he wasn’t offended in the slightest.

“It’s no problem! Spinel wanted to see you again, and I was happy to help.” He said cheerfully as he waved to the two of you, not subtly winking at Spinel as she was taken aback slightly at this gesture. And you blushed a little bit harder at such a thought, she wanted to see you again?

“You wanted to see me again?” You were so shocked you didn’t even realize what you had asked, and Spinel’s eyes widened even more as a flustered expression overcame her features. “W-Well uh… I… yeah… yeah I suppose…”

She felt strange. She hadn’t really felt this curious about anyone, not even Pink Diamond. She knew Pink Diamond, and she knew that she was her playmate, and other gems were just fun to play with too because they were all neat looking. You were different. You weren’t a gem, you were a human being and yet your feelings weren’t that different from the feelings gems could feel.

And your feelings apparently weren’t that different from Spinel’s own feelings. Which is what really made her curious.

“Let’s… sit on my bench… it’s… more comfortable.” You couldn’t get rid of the corny smile on your lips as you gave her the offer, “Oh… thanks…” She couldn’t turn it down though as you lead her to your bench, allowing the two of you to sit down.

It was uncomfortably silent for at least 5 minutes, but you didn’t know what to say. Which was ironic because she’s all you could think about for the past couple of weeks. Why the hell couldn’t you say anything now?! Come on (Y/N)!

“So… um…” You started off, badly though. It wasn’t even a damn sentence…

“So…” And you were sure your uncomfortable energy was rubbing off on Spinel since she couldn’t quite muster up a sentence herself.

No. You couldn’t be an idiot. You sucked it up, exhaled and then cleared your throat a little bit. “I’m… glad to see you again.” Finally, you said something that actually made sense and was an actual sentence. “You are?” But this confused Spinel, since she knew she didn’t make the best first impression by trying to hurt you and Steven.

“Yeah.” You replied simply with a smile and shrugged your shoulders. “Why?” The gem asked you somewhat bluntly though, trying not to look amused by the simplicity of your response.

“I liked you. You were… an interesting gem… and… don’t tell the other gems but you’re actually more interesting than any of them…” A little snicker left you as you covered your mouth, feeling kind of bad for putting the other gems down like that but Spinel really did interest you. This further surprised her though, her eyes wide with shock because even after all of that, how did you still like her even a little bit.

WHY did you like her?

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone Someone that I'd like better I can never forget, so don't remind me of it forever

“Why?” She asked bluntly again, a wry smile on her lips. “I tried to kill you. I tried to kill Steven. Tried to destroy the earth. Why do you like me?” For a minute there, she swore that you probably liked her old self better, because she remembered having a lot of fun with you before the past came back to her…

“Is it my old self that you liked?” Spinel’s tone became a little bit colder, yet the sadness was still there. “I’m flattered… but that’s not me anymore… I wish it was but… it’s not me. I haven’t even pulled myself together yet either…” She looked down, her gloved fists starting to clench as she tried to hold back the anger bubbling in her. Not at Rose, but at herself. She still hated the person she was, and she hated that you were here, telling her that you liked her.

There’s no way you could like something like her…

“Of course I liked your old self.”

She knew. She fucking knew it. God she wanted to cry and feel betrayed all over again so she could get away and not have to be hurt again, but you didn’t stop talking.

“Because you remind me of me when I was a kid.” You smiled ruefully and looked in the distance. “I smiled a lot before I started growing up. I was so happy… so eager to impress my peers. I wanted nothing more than to feel included, and feel like I was someone’s friend.” As you talked, Spinel looked at you intently as she took in all of your words and the feelings behind them. The feelings that Spinel still had lingering in her even after Pink Diamond. That’s exactly what she felt like, all she wanted was to be a friend.

“I did everything… everything I could to impress them and make them happy, even if it meant not doing what I wanted… I just… wanted that so badly.” Your smile was still there, but it was clear to the gem that you weren’t happy at all.

“And then… the older I got… the more I started to realize… I’m not what people want… I’m nothing more than an amusement at best.” However, the more you thought about the past, the more your smile started to curve into a soft frown. “And some people didn’t even like me at all… they avoided me just so they could be amongst themselves and kept me out of their picture… I didn’t realize it til later that I wasn’t anyone’s friend, I was just… nothing.”

A small, empty chuckle left you as you wiped your eyes when tears were threatening to fall as Spinel looked at you in shock, feeling more feelings that she had never felt for anyone else other than herself. She was angry, hurt and unable to believe that this happened to you, you seemed like a decent person, why did those people avoid you?

“Those… those…!” Spinel couldn’t help it, she shook her head as her fists trembled, “I… I hate that!” She exclaimed as you jumped a bit, not wanting her to wake your parents but you didn’t really want to set her off any further. “I hate it when people do that… it’s… why…? Why are they so cruel like that…?”

She asked you questions that you asked yourself everyday in your moments of solitude as you put your hand on her shoulder. “I don’t know… I ask myself that all the time and I can never find the answers.” You gave a sigh as you looked downwards. “But… I know this sounds selfish of me but… I… I couldn’t help but like you because I understood you…” You admitted, no shyness in your tone, just honesty despite how sad you were.

“I used to be happy… until life and people started to kick me… and push me aside like something that didn’t matter at all… I know… that’s probably how you felt… and I just… I hated hearing what Pink did to you… you didn’t deserve it Spinel… you’re a good gem… I don’t know why Pink had to go and hurt you like that…” Voice cracking you squeezed your shoulder as gobs of tears started to stream down your face as you shut your eyes, unable to see the tears welling in Spinel’s eyes as she tried to hold it all back.

Steven was the only other person who took pity on her, but hearing another person tell her that NO, she didn’t deserve what happened to her… was like some kind of validation that she didn’t know she needed to hear until right now this very moment.

But at the same time, it made her feel even worse when she thought about how she still hurt you and tried to bring more hurt to you when she first fought you and Steven as she cried. “But I’m NOT a good gem! I had to have deserved it! I hurt you! And Steven! You can’t tell me I didn’t deserve that! Not when I was the one who hurt you when you didn’t deserve that… or what they did to you… you didn’t deserve that at all…” She hung her head as she wept for you, and all you could do was watch her in shock as a sob hitched in your breath.

“S-Spinel…”

You were touched by her sympathy, and how she seemed to genuinely care about her feelings. No one other than Steven and Lapis have ever really cared about your feelings, but Spinel… she understood you more…

“I don’t know…” You couldn’t fight the self-deprecation though, it was a horrible trait you picked up on the older you got and realized that maybe you were avoided because there was something wrong with you.

What if I just pulled myself together Would it matter at all? What if I just tried not to remember Would it matter at all? All the chances that have passed me by Would it matter if I gave it one more try Would it matter at all?

“Maybe I deserved it too…” Spinel gasped when she heard you say that, no, no you couldn’t have believed that. “I mean… you’re great but… I’m not… I’m a loser… I sit in my room all day, watch anime for the sake of comfort, and listen to music by Lana Del Ray, My Chemical Romance and Stevie Nicks, and write bullshit stories for god’s sake… if I wasn’t here today it probably wouldn’t even matter. I might as well not even exist… who knows? Maybe I’m just better off gone because I don’t think anyone would even care… I’ve thought about it… but never could go with it…” You admitted some of your darker thoughts as your eyes started to dull with the misery you’ve carried around the past 10 years of your life and maybe even longer than that.

Of course Spinel wasn’t familiar with the concepts but all she knew is that no, she didn’t want you to disappear. “No! You can’t… You have to be here…” Her voice croaked a little bit as she grabbed your shoulders, “If you weren’t here… I wouldn’t have gotten to hear you say that I didn’t deserve what happened to me… even though I think I did… if you just disappeared or went away I would care (Y/N)! I… I would care… it matters to me! It would matter to me!” She sobbed to you and held onto your shoulders tighter as if she was trying to make sure that you were still here.

She didn’t know you well, but she wanted to. And she didn’t want you to leave. 

You had never opened up about this sorrow to anyone before though, Spinel was the first person you completely opened up to. She was the only one who knew about what you were really feeling, and you were almost relieved that she didn’t quite understand the deeper parts of what you tried to say.

However, hearing her say those words were comfort to you as you sobbed and you couldn’t help but pull her into a hug. “I’m… glad to hear that someone would…” You shakily said in between soft cries as she sniffled. “You’re… you’re not bad (Y/N)… if you think… I’m a good person… I don’t know why you do but… thank you… please… you’re really here right? If you are… I’m glad… that someone else knows what it’s like…” Spinel almost sounded shy as she admitted to this newfound happiness she couldn’t help but feel talking more about what happened to her.

“I am… and… I hope you’re here too… Spinel I really like you… I missed you… I wanted to get to know you more… so… I meant what I asked… would you like to… be my friend…?” That’s what you wanted to ask her, despite these other feelings in your stomach that were flurrying about as your cheeks turned hot.

Spinel was hugging you, stretchy arms around you tightly as she perked up at the question, and she looked up at you with surprise in those rather adorable pink eyes of hers. She was a bit hesistant and yet she felt like she could really trust you, so she gave you a little smile.

“Yes… I want to be your friend too (Y/N)…” She answered you slowly, but sincerely as she nodded up at you. (E/C) eyes widening as you beamed and you tightly hugged her again, earning a small surprised squeak from her, but she couldn’t help but hug you just as tightly. Even stretching her arms even more all around your figure like a snake almost as you gasped with wide eyes as she pulled herself away with a goofy smile.

The two of you bursting into laughter through your tears as you actually felt like there was this weight inside of you that had been slowly lifted off of you. This was the first time you felt actually happy, and the first time you’ve laughed in a long time and it was because of this sweet gem.

She did bad things yes, but she was broken too, and you understood that completely. And she understood that about you too. As the two of you pulled away, you couldn’t help but put your hand in hers as she looked up at you, a blush on her streaked cheeks as she locked her fingers with yours and smiled at you.

Warmly you blushed brightly with an equally bright smile on your face.

You knew that you truly did matter. You mattered to your friends and your family. And you mattered to her, and she mattered to you. Spinel knew this too, after everything she had been through, she finally learned that she really did matter to the new people she accepted into her life. She mattered to you, and you mattered to her too.

Both of you did, both of you mattered.

And YOU matter too. To anyone who read this, if you have any suicidal thoughts, or have had suicidal thoughts or even just need someone to talk to about intrusive thoughts or just need to talk to someone about anything don’t hesitate to call 1-800-273-6255, the Suicide Hotline.

And remember that your life is important and that your life matters. YOU matter.  

[savnofilter]

answering all anonymous asks

i have a lot of mixed opinions and stuff so i just compiled them into one post. the public ones i will be posting separately, simply because i feel they are different. all responses are under the cut!

tw: mentions of pedophilia and gore.

i am and thank you!! i havent really eaten since tuesday but ive trying to keep my fluids up. i hope you are doing okay as well, anon!

~ i learned about puberty when i was 6 only because my sisters had already learnt it (ages 8). the educational sites used were always catered to helping the youth learn about periods, puberty, and everything that comes along with it. once i was at age 8, i also had access to the sites as well.

~ the idea of sex was brought around to me around 8. at 9 i had an experience but i will not get into it since it’s still slightly traumatic for me. other than having a negative experience with it, i yet again already had an understanding because of my older sister’s and i’s class experiences to have a grasp of it.

i would also like to add that my parent were never prudes. bringing up this point, disclaimer that they havent done anything weird to me or my sister. once i was 11 (in 6th grade), i was learning about sex and reproduction. my mother has always told me if i had any questions about that type of stuff, that i should never be afraid to ask. 

if she felt anything was too explicit she would tell me that i didnt have to learn about that right now and that when i am older she would be receptive responding. i honestly think the hate stems from the fact that they dont get dicked down well enough from their own bfs that they have to write the pent up frustration on minor characters.

i mean with the cult running around, yes it is. if you are not in a close circle or have an established following, you will have a much harder time getting your stuff out there. its not impossible but it is much definitely more difficult to start up. 

if you need help with getting your work out there i am more than welcome in trying to help you out tho!

THANK. YOU. someone had to fucking say it, couldnt be me since they refuse to listen to me. do you know how predatory in itself trying to control what minors of the same age doing together???? the only time i can see minors getting “arrested” unless it was public indecency. also why are you an adult knowing about 14 y.os getting arrested for sexual intercourse? 🤡

it definitely is safe. the people most active are teenagers so do not feel afraid. if there are any concerns please come to me since i am the original and head of the server.

!!! exactly. her sorry ass callout post about my age and followers LOL. “sorry i have more notes than you” i- i had to laugh. i think its so funny because if this was about followers i wouldve done this earlier, not when i hit 5,000 followers. 

^ this. all it took was a gabby hannah callout post about my age cnckjsvd couldnt be me. these people preach about keeping kids safe, the kids of the fandom speak up about an abuse and toxicity problem and suddenly we’re ruining the fandom? pick one or the other pls. 🤡

i just honestly find it concerning that theyre thirsting over a character thats um.... HALF YOUR AGE. fake or not its weird asf. its really not your place to say people shouldnt be uncomfortable because you write them “aged 18+” and the most you age them up to is 18 and still write them in U.A. i dont really understand why its such a hard concept to understand.

i just think its concerning that the same people who think i have no sexual awareness have no problem writing characters my age and the only version that theyre aged up is in their fics.

theres something wrong in this equation here.... 😗

lmao these adults have no problem giving people trauma. and yes, yes, and yes. we arent saying that there is a problem aging them up, its how you do it. its really the fact that theyre aging them up and having them at the dorms and aizawa is still somehow, their homeroom teacher? please make it make sense.

if youre especially going to age up someone and youre about 22+, your excuse is that, “their fake so it shouldnt be a problem” is predatory in all the wrong kind of ways. 

^ they hate to see it. but once again they did make this an age thing,,, obviously they only learned about sex when they hit 18, and i have hacked the system and infiltrated adult territory. 🤡

right. people are like 16 y.os cant have sex -- no its in place so adults like you dont think you can fuck them any younger. thats all i have to say. but no, im fifteen, i dont have a brain or any sense of the world. no h*rny card for me.

💀 imagine being old enough to understand that stuff can be triggering and no human should even be saying that... getting those shane dawson gore fantasies here.

“no one is mad at you for writing smut. adults are mad because youre writing smut”

your adults arent mentally sound and this is why im making this post. ❤️

lmao i am okay!! ive been having phantom nerve pain where my knuckles are because of that ask though and i had a gore dream. : ) i spoke clearly and properly, when i took them as a joke (yknow being the clowns that they are), they got mad! 1/10, would not recommend a conversation! apparently shes more mature about me but her last post was about riding a teenager’s forehead cnjk vdfd COULD NOT BE ME. she choose to ignore all the other claims and it shows~ 🍵

i dont really mind, ive been wanting to talk about my age on this blog for a really long time since last but sometimes things come sooner than later. even if you dont support my work, i still thank you for supporting me as a person!

RIGHT?! im just really concerned that there are adults who understand that there are moral issues here and some dont. this is why im making a post on a select few and not the whole adult community. thank you for coming to my TED talk. 

LMFAO but they dont see it?! 😂 i think me writing about characters my own age is much better than someone who has 10+ years, or better yet, MORE THAN HALF THEIR AGE writing about them. you had your hormones suppressed, doesnt mean mine should as well. 💓

personally, if i was an adult and i made a callout post on someone’s age, i would put a disclaimer to not bully the minors in question,,, just putting out there. your mature and respectful queen is doing magic. 🥰

^ and let me make it clear, after the point of time i realized that following was 18+ blogs was bad, i stopped following them. and even now im sifting through and unfollowing all of them. yes, i do have a brain at fifteen and can think. i know its a foreign concept for some people. 😳

no no no, its okay! i lied about being an adult so this all my fault. :D just think its concerning someone so easily can say one thing and everyone can follow. real cult behaviour and shes the leader. been thinking about making a mean girls poster and sticking her pfp on regina, but even regina had redemption and realized she had work to do. : ) 

lmao these people have said, “i started reading/writing smut when i was 11-13 but i realized how wrong it was and stopped” so how does it differ from me? you dont magically get good at 18. dont be a hypocrite.

even adults themselves are afraid to speak up. all it took was a shitty post for them to ignore the whole story. these people ignore all the abuse, therapy, toxicity, pedophilia (umbrella term) and everything else that she and her friends are being brought to light about. it shows how much of a blind eye that people have.

this is not a tati situation, i will not go back on my words.

this is understandable. this is even past the age, and this me repeating myself once again. i wasnt even the one who said i was groomed i- its people who were in your, space. think about that.

it really is. and what makes it more concerning that the same people who preach this will talk about how they want to, “beat us the fuck up” or rip our fingers for showing out concern for the vagueness of aged up in fics sometimes.

i even stated that its not everyone who does this but no one will listen.

[reddie-fangirl24]

another little Barry story where Eddie writes the piece about the night he left his wife. Eddie actually lies in this scene. Myra hit him on the night he left and he just ran in a fright instead of standing up to her?

Support me on my Ko-Fi!

“‘So, you listen to me, Myra! I’m done! That’s right, done! You have never treated me like a husband. Now, here’s what I have to tell you. I am never going to see you again!’”

Richie was quiet, holding Eddie’s script in hand. This didn’t feel right. Last night, Myra showed up out of nowhere. Richie was so worried that Eddie was going to faint when he saw her. She asked Eddie to go out to dinner. Eddie accepted! 

The entire dinner was uncomfortable. Even the waiter could feel the tension. For the whole night, Richie locked eyes with the woman, furiously shooting knives into her skin as he watched her disgustingly scarf her meal down. She watched how Eddie ate, who nervously ate very slowly, leaving half of his plate unfinished. How could Eddie stand to live with such a pig?

“Hey, Rich,” Eddie got his attention patting the script. “This is your line.”

“Yeah, uh, I know.” He put down the script and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything, but in this script, you warn Myra that if you ever see her again you’d threaten to contact the police. But, last night, you were acting as if everything was fine, making conversation...”

Eddie’s face fell, fear residing in his eyes. A tear showed in the corner. Eddie’s head whipped around. Beverly and Ben were right next to them, but they were so busy with their scene that they paid no attention. For all they knew this could have been a part of Eddie’s script.

Subconsciously, he reached for his inhaler but quickly realized that it was useless, to begin with. He had been practicing use without it for three months now at the mere request of Richie. He was willing to try anything for him, but it was so difficult to give up something that had been a routine his whole life. 

“No, no, Eds, I don’t want to upset you!” Richie placed his hand on his knee. He was shivering right under his touch. “I’m just trying to understand where all this is...”

Because everyone else was so busy with their scenes, nobody noticed Eddie run out of the room in tears. “Eddie!” Richie called out to him. He disappeared down the hallway. 

Figuring that he should give him a moment, Richie went looking for Eddie. Luckily, Couesinou didn’t see. Eddie and Richie were known for walking off and having a quick makeout session. 

When he found him, Richie almost walked right by the backstage area with all the mirrors and hundreds of lights surrounding them. This room was so bright when you turned them on. Luckily, some of them remained off. Richie always got a headache whenever they were all on. Cousineau chewed him out telling him that if he was going to be an actor he had to get used to bright lights in his eyes.

Eddie was sitting by himself, in tears, holding his inhaler. “Eddie, what’s going on?” Richie asked, standing in the doorway.

Eddie looked at him guiltily. “Sorry. I still have it. I know you said that I don’t need...”

“I don’t care about the inhaler. I just want to know why you’re upset,” Richie told him.

Eddie’s eyes guiltily dipped to his feet. “I suppose you can guess that scene is just bullshit, right?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Richie walked into the room, pulling up a chair so he could sit with him. He touched his hand. Eddie held it.

His lip trembled. Eddie couldn’t keep the tears inside, hiding his face behind his hand. “I never stood up to her!”

“What?” Richie lightly smoothed his hand against his knee. That always made Eddie feel better. 

“Those things I wrote about... it never happened!”

Richie offered a tissue to him. He couldn’t stand to see Eddie cry. “What did happen?”

Eddie sobbed. “She hit me!”

“What? I thought that you said she never hit you!” Richie’s insides boiled. He wanted to go after Myra. As soon as the dinner was over that night, Richie flipped her off. It was behind Eddie’s back. All of last night, Eddie was silent, turning in early to bed.

“‘Cause I don’t want to look like a fucking coward!” Eddie cried, choking on his breath. “She was out the night, but she came home early. I was packing. She told me that she always knew that I’d leave, and when I opened my mouth, she hit me! And I just... ran away...”

Instinctively, Eddie was about to use his inhaler when he met eyes with Richie. Instead of pitying him, Richie’s eyes melted pure love into Eddie’s soul, nodding his head. Richie pet his knee as Eddie used the inhaler making him feel better in an instant.

“How come you don’t want to write it that way?” Richie asked him. Of course, this question was ironic coming from him. How could anyone believe a story about a psychotic alien clown that killed people in his hometown from when he was a kid? What was he kidding, that didn’t matter right now!

Eddie wiped his eyes. The tears were so thick. Richie kept a hand on his shaking body, giving him the space that he needed. He wanted to hug him to make the pain all go away. Unfortunately, he learned the hard way that Eddie didn’t take to comfort immediately. 

One night, Eddie struck him in the face after he had a nightmare. The next day, Richie walked into class with a bruised eye. Cousineau just thought he was practicing his stage makeup. It got him extra credit at least!

“I already lied to them! They’re not going to look at me the same way again!” Eddie wailed, his breath hitching in his throat.

Richie shook his head. “No, they won’t.”

“How do you know?”

He smiled delicately at Eddie. “I don’t.”

Eddie looked into his eyes, his mouth trembling. “Richie, I don’t want to look weak. But, I don’t want to lie.”

“Isn’t that what this is all about?” Richie asked him, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Huh?”

“We’re actors. We have to imagine everything. And we’re just playing people who aren’t us.”

Eddie looked at Richie as if he were crazy. He was not used to seeing this side of Eddie. He was very good at acting as if everything was okay - when it wasn’t.

“What I’m saying is, just writing the scene how you want. But, you should be honest. I can help you. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

Feeling their hearts skip a beat, Richie’s throat dried up. It just came right out. He’d been wanting to say that for the longest time, but he never had the courage to tell Eddie. Plus, he had no idea if Eddie felt the same way.

“Rich...” Eddie couldn’t sleep. From the looks of it, he needed to use his inhaler again. But, he didn’t.

“Uh-huh...”

“You...?”

He nodded, smiling, reaching his hand up to his face. “Yeah.”

Eddie clambered into Richie’s lap, holding him close. “Do you really?”

How were Eddie’s eyes so beautiful? He wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer than how he already was. “Yes.”

Their lips met in a heated kiss, mixing their tongues. Eddie placed a hand on Richie’s face, pulling away and staring into his baby blue eyes. Fresh tears fell from his eyes, but this time they were happy. “I love you, Richie.”

[juniperhillpatient]

Harley Quinn, Xander Harris, and Katara, for the ask meme

under the cut to avoid spamming people’s dashes lol 

Harley Quinn: 

Why I like them:

sapphic brain & monkey brain both wanna say “sexy scary clown lady” but truly it’s because she’s a complex badass with a morally gray compass 

Why I don’t

this isn’t harley’s fault but - oo many characterizations due to how many canons there are & how many people have written her...people fight about whether she’s an empowering character, whether modern characterizations of her are true to her character, etc, etc...I don’t have the energy lol. again - sexy badass clown lady <3

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

I mean...Batman the Animated Series “Mad Love”

Favorite season/movie

I am but a basic bitch & a simple sapphic. Margot Robbie’s Birds of Prey movie changed my life 

Favorite line

This line from Gotham City Sirens lives rent-free in my head: 

After all this time--all these years--you and I have history. I know what you think of me. You think I'm just a doll. A doll that's pink and light. A doll you can arrange any way you like. You're wrong. Very wrong. What you think of me is only a ghost of time. I am dangerous. And I will show you just how dark I can be.

Favorite outfit

Oh god...we’re talking about a character with a VERY diverse wardrobe.....I can’t choose

OTP

Poison Ivy <3

Brotp

Cassandra Cain or Selina Kyle <3

Head Canon

Harley has a soft spot for children <3 Not necessarily a head canon depending on what you consider canon lol 

Unpopular opinion

It’s annoying when people act like shipping her with Poison Ivy makes you morally superior to shipping her with Joker. She’s a fictional murderous clown. I totally get the appeal of her & Joker as a psychotic duo lol (yeah yeah “he’s abusive in some canons”...dude...it’s a superhero comic with like a million versions of canon...it ain’t that serious) I guess basically people just need to not take shit so serious 

A wish

MOAR MARGOT ROBBIE MOVIES!!! 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Can’t really think of one lol 

5 words to best describe them

Bad Ass Sexy Mother Fucker 

My nickname for them

idk lol 

 Xander Harris 

Why I like them

Heart of the friend group, Buffy’s chosen family, amazing kind-hearted soul who deserves all the love 

Why I don’t

he’s got a few “nice guy Tm” qualities, I admit 

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

The Zeppo! 

Favorite season/movie

Ooh it’s hard to choose...Maybe this is unpopular but seasons 1-3 Xander was...soft. His crush on Buffy didn’t bother me the way it bothered some fans though lol so I get it if other people didn’t like him as much back then. IDK Xander is always Good. In every season 

Favorite line

I know I already said ‘The Zeppo’ was my favorite but the line “I like the quiet” hits so hard every time...Also obviously his little season 7 speech to Dawn 

“They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary. “  

Favorite outfit

IDK all his flannels are iconic 

OTP

Therapy & happiness 

Brotp

Xander, Buffy & Willow <3 

Head Canon

IDK but I need more information about his homelife :( 

Unpopular opinion

He is an important character & Buffy would punch the people who hate on him 

A wish

That some of his more Nice Guy Tm characteristics could’ve been dealt with more effectively in the writing & that he hadn’t been such a shitty friend (ALONG WITH ALL THE SCOOBIES) to Buffy at the very end 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

IDK the show is over & I don’t read the comics lol 

5 words to best describe them

Lovable valuable soft valid king 

My nickname for them

IDK lol 

Katara: 

Why I like them

Um.....See EVERYTHING about her. She is a badass hero & a soft & caring queen & she loves her brother & her friends SO MUCH. She’s got some of the most terrifying powers ever. Like she could easily take over the entire world / kill all of her enemies. But her true power lies in her KINDNESS. She has trauma & anger & flaws but at the end of the day she cares SO MUCH. The line “I will never turn my back on people who need me” lives rent free in my head okay 

Why I don’t

N/A

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

The Painted Lady 

Favorite season/movie

IDK every season of Avatar is so good...

Favorite line

Oh I guess I kinda listed it above ^^

Favorite outfit

Her & Zuko’s matching Southern Raiders outfits are too good 

OTP

Azula <3

Brotp

Sokka!! Or Aang. Or Suki. Or Toph. Or Zuko. The gaang <3

Head Canon

Not really a “head canon” as much as it is a personal opinion but...Katara’s anger is an underrated character trait. We don’t talk enough about how she has anger issues 

Unpopular opinion

Overlooking her flaws & making her into a perfect Motherly Tm figure is literally just as annoying as making her into a bitch for having flaws. What makes her so good is that she is a REAL flawed character with issues 

A wish

Katara gets therapy & a happy peaceful life <3

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Can’t think of one? 

5 words to best describe them

Amazing bad ass traumatized queen 

My nickname for them

IDK lol - “painted lady” ? 

thank you for the ask friend <3 <3 <3

[thephantomisdead]

Trial and Error — Chapter 2

(Trial and Error on AO3)

(← Return to Chapter 1)

“Good morning, Arthur.”

“Good morning to you as well, Counselor,” came my client’s cheery reply. He didn’t turn around to face me as I entered.

After the door shut behind me, I made my way to the opposite side of the room and took my seat. I placed my leather bag by my feet and dropped my ever-growing case file onto the table with a resounding thud. My client, it seemed, was chained to the table again today. I’d been warned repeatedly of the risk he posed, despite my position as his attorney. In our interactions so far, he hadn’t given me a reason for concern — in fact, he’d been polite, albeit unsettling — but the handcuffs were a constant reminder that set me on edge.

“You seem to be in awfully good mood today,” I observed.

He smiled cordially. “I haven’t had a reason not to be. Would you like to hear a joke?”

I raised my eyebrows and motioned for him to continue. “By all means.”

Arthur shifted in his chair before he began. “How do you get to the hospital quickly?”

“I don’t know. How?”

“Stand in the middle of the road for a while,” Arthur chuckled.

I cracked a small smile. It was somewhat morbid, but it was clever.

“Are those the kinds of jokes you usually tell?” I asked.

Arthur shrugged, gazing around the room. “Sometimes. I’ve always liked writing my own jokes. I try to figure out what my audience will like, but they don’t always react the way I’d hoped.”

“Do you think it’s because they’re bad jokes?”

“No, not necessarily,” he mused. “Humor is very subjective, Counselor. It depends entirely on your audience.”

“It’s funny you should mention that,” I remarked, looking through the brown file before me. “Audience and whatnot. We need to talk about how you’re going to present to a jury. We need sympathy. Did you put any consideration into what I asked you about last week?”

“Some. Do you have a cigarette?”

“I’m not giving you a cigarette,” I told him flatly. “Not until you help me do my job.”

He frowned.

“Look, we talked about this last time I was here. I can’t do this without you — that’s not how it works. You have to be a sympathetic figure, someone a jury can relate to, at least on some level. I can’t paint you that way for them if I don’t know anything about you.”

“You have a whole file on me, don’t you?”

“I need more than bare facts,” I maintained. “I need you to sit here and talk to me about your life so I can go into that courtroom and show people that you’re more than what they say about you on the news — that you’re human.”

He let out a humorless chuckle.

“Do you want to go to prison for the rest of your life?” I snapped. “Because that’s where you’re headed. What about Arkham? Do you want to end up there again?”

Arthur’s legs were bouncing nervously.

“You’ll be lucky if they send you to the chair,” I went on. “This whole city thinks you’re a monster! Do you honestly think —”

A sharp laugh escaped his lips. Arthur doubled over, covering his mouth with his hands.

“I’m trying to help you, goddammit,” I insisted, leaning forward over the table. “How is this funny to you?”

“It’s — I —”

I realized what was happening when he choked back a sob and continued to laugh. It was painful to watch.

“...take your time,” I said quietly. “You’re okay.”

As Arthur’s laughing fit continued, a guard walked up to the window, eyes wide with concern. I shook my head quickly to dismiss him, waving him away while Arthur was still occupied. The man raised his eyebrows as he walked away, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur managed. His eyes were watering. “I have —”

Another laugh forced itself from his throat.

“I know, it’s fine,” I muttered, leaning over to search my bag. “I read about it in your file. It’s okay. Just... take your time.”

As I fished through the front pockets of my bag for the cigarette pack and lighter that I knew I’d left there after my bar exam, I heard Arthur’s strangled breaths begin to even out.

“Here,” I offered, sitting up again. I nodded toward the crushed, barely empty pack of cigarettes in my hand. Arthur pulled a cigarette out with unsteady fingers, and I lit it for him before doing the same for myself. He took a long drag before speaking again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. The ash of his cigarette fell onto the floor as his hand continued to shake.

“You don’t have to apologize,” I replied, pushing the yellowed ceramic ash tray over toward him. We sat in silence again before I continued.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing,” I admitted. “I shouldn’t have said all that. I’m sorry. I’m still trying to find my footing. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing yet.”

Arthur cleared his throat half-heartedly. He stared at the smoke floating up from his half-consumed cigarette, but he didn’t speak.

“I read through all your files,” I told him slowly, hoping to move on. “Did you really bring a gun to a children’s hospital?”

He took another drag off his cigarette and muttered something I didn’t quite hear.

“What?”

“I got jumped,” he repeated, just barely above a whisper.

“Both your employer and the police reported that you told them it was a prop.”

“One of the guys at work gave me the gun after some kids stole my sign and beat me up,” he explained slowly, holding his hand out with the near-finished cigarette between his fingers. “I tried to explain what happened, but my boss wouldn’t believe me. I kept the gun in case I needed to defend myself again... I told them it was a prop because I was scared.”

I sighed. “I’m not saying I don’t believe you. But you do realize that this makes you extremely untrustworthy, right?”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“You told your boss and the police one story, and now you’re coming forward with another,” I explained. “Even if this is the truth, it shows that you’re willing to lie.”

“We all lie,” he muttered, crushing his cigarette out. “One way or another, we all lie. I just had a good reason to.”

“I haven’t lied to you, Arthur.”

He let out a mirthless laugh. “You lie every single day, Counselor. You’re lying to me right now. You lie when you get dressed in the morning, pretending for everyone that you’re a high-brow, ‘respectable citizen’ with a good job. You lie when you buy things you can’t afford with money you don’t have, just so you can lie to yourself and say you’re happy with your state in life. Everyone lies. This whole society runs on lies. That’s the only way things get done. You’re no better than me, even though you lie to yourself about that, too.”

I wanted to respond, but I held my tongue. Our conversation wasn’t supposed to be about me, or society, or the suit I knew I’d paid too much for.

“I’ve tried to be honest with you, Arthur.”

“I’m not sure you have,” he retorted.

“I’ve tried my best to be honest with you,” I explained, “because I want this relationship to be built on trust. I want the jury to trust you, too, and if I can believe you, so can they. I’m extremely hesitant to put you on the stand because of the story you told the police, but I’m still considering it. It would give us a decent chance to clarify your side of the story, at least for the firearms charges.”

“I think those are the least of my concerns.”

Silence fell over us again. I didn’t know what to say next. I had my work cut out for me — the prosecutors had already provided me plenty of evidence to work with. Of course, I was going to try to get as much of it deemed inadmissible as I could, but I still had a sinking suspicion that I wasn’t going to win the case. The Public Defenders’ Office had stuck me on Arthur’s case all alone, and no one was eager to give me any advice. Everyone wants to help the new kid until they realize the new kid is the killer clown’s lawyer.

“I have to be honest with you, Arthur,” I began slowly. “I’m doing my best, but... I really don’t think we’re going to win this.”

He shrugged. “I never really expected to.”

“It’s why I’ve been so insistent about getting to know you better,” I explained. “I want to shoot for as lenient of a sentence as we can.”

Arthur began fiddling with the handcuffs around his wrists and sighed before he spoke. “Alright.”

“Alright what?”

“Alright, we can talk,” he clarified, locking eyes with me. “But I want to know about you.”

I swallowed and took a deep breath. “Well, what do you want to know?”

He looked up, thinking. “Why did you become a public defender?”

“Everyone wants to put criminals behind bars,” I answered, “but they always forget that real justice involves the criminal getting his day in court. Even the most hardened criminal has a right to explain his side of the story. I guess I wanted to do the dirty work that keeps the system working properly, I don’t know.”

I paused before continuing. “Why did you kill your mother?”

Arthur crossed his arms and gave me an icy stare. “You have my file. You know what she did.”

“I want to hear how you felt.”

He clenched his jaw. “I took such good care of her for all those years and look what she did to me,” he spat. “My mother could never admit that she did something wrong. She made me what I am, and she lied about it every minute of my entire life.”

My heart sank as I recalled the news reports about Arthur as a child. The beatings, the neglect, the torture and abuse... his mother had serious problems of her own, but they were no excuse for what she’d done to her own son.

“She was awful,” Arthur murmured, “and I never even knew it.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. We don’t have to talk about her anymore, not unless you want to.”

Lifeless eyes trained on the wall behind me, he spoke again. “How do people treat you now that you’re working with me?”

I didn’t like how that sounded, not one bit. Working with him. The very thought sickened me, tied my stomach in knots, and I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat.

“I’ve developed a bit of a reputation,” I answered. He raised an eyebrow.

“I’m the newest hire at the office and I’m already a leper. I think they stuck me on this case because no one else wants to deal with you,” I confessed. “No one pays any attention to me once they find out I’m your attorney. My parents found out from the news that I’m working on your case, and now they won’t even answer my calls. You’ve scared this whole city. Everyone I know is terrified of you.”

Arthur looked up, gazing into my eyes. “Are you terrified of me?”

I hesitated.

“I... honestly don’t know,” I confessed, looking away.

“I don’t want you to be,” he said matter-of-factly.

I couldn’t honestly say that I disagreed.

(Continue to Chapter 3 →)

[shadowboltgamer-blog]

The Awakening Ch 1: Final battle

(Author note: I’m so sorry to everyone for the long delay of The Awakening. @attitudeangels was the one writing this until she had family problem, so she ask me if I can finish for her. Give AttitudeAngels some support and love. Thanks to everyone for the wait and sorry again, hope you enjoy it)

After the Loser Club found out Mike lied about the ritual and now they have to face themselves with pennywise once again. When they his true form and tell them for their blind mistake. Pennywise started chasing them around the cave, not before long the Loser split up in different directions, which confused the giant clown.

Richie POV:

Me and Eddie ran into a cave trying to get away from Pennywise. We kept running down the cave, trying to find a way out, then ran into three doors.

“Shit. You gotta be fucking kidding me”

“Um, all right. “Not scary at all.” All right? Eddie said

“No no no”

“W-wait why?

“They’re flipped, he fucking with us”

“Are you sure”

“Trust me”

“Positive”

“Yes”

“Okay”

We walked towards the very scary door. I turned the door knob and opened it. It was a dark closet, then a voice called out.

“Where’s my shoe?”. My heart started speeding up. I pulled the string to turn on the light bulb. We heard tap dancing, and it started getting closer then giggling. A girl without a torso started skipping towards us. We started to scream then shut the door.

“What the fuck!”

“You told me to trust you!” Eddie said

“He’s not fucking with us, let’s go to “Not scary at all.”

“Okay”

Eddie was scared to see what’s on the other side of the door. He turned the door knob and opened it slowly. “It’s all right. Let’s go” Eddie said. We started to walk forward then we heard a noise then looked down to see a little Pomeranian.

“Oh shit” Richie whisper

The little Pomeranian just staring at us with his tongue out

“No way am I falling for this shit again”

“Oh yeah. That things a fucking monster”

“Richie, make it sit”

“I know yours moves, you little bitch”

Then we heard growling behind

Eddie whisper “Richie, it’s gone man”

“Yeah, wait”

“Okay”

We both turned around to look at the little Pomeranian

“Sit”!

“He did it”!

“Oh that’s cute”

“That’s a good boy”

“That’s actually super cute”

“That’s a good boy”

“Are you a good boy”

“Good boy”

Then out of nowhere the Pomeranian turned into a giant monster. We screamed at the last second, before it was about the launch at us, we closed the door shut.

“Shit” Eddie yelled

“Yo, next time, we just go with regular, “scary.”

“Next time!” I yelled

We speed walked out of that cave and trying to find a way out.

3rd POV:

When bill came out of the water, he swam toward the edge then he pulled himself out. Mike was hiding behind the rock, when he turned around and saw Bill on the fall trying to catch his breath.

“Bill” Mike whisper

He stands up and about to help bill when pennywise pop out of nowhere. “Miss me” pennywise shout

“I know what you are. That’s why I’m not afraid” Mike said

Pennywise wrapped his arm around Mike then pulled out his claws. He lifted him off the ground, then started laughing.

“Well, I know what you are. A madmen”

Pennywise opened his mouth and more Sharp teeth came out, he was about to bite Mike when he got hit with a rock. Mike turned his head to see who saved him.

“Hey, fuckface!”

The giant clown turned his head then threw Mike into the rock wall, after Mike landed he groaned in pain. Richie picked another rock and look at IT

“You wanna play Truth or Dare”?

“Here’s the truth. You’re a sloppy bitch”!

“Yeah, that’s right”!

“Let’s dance! Yippee-ki-yay mot…

When Richie was about to throw the rock, pennywise put Richie under his deadlights. He lifted him off the ground and showed him his worst fears. Eddie ran out of the cave and saw Richie caught in pennywise deadlights.

“Oh shit Richie”

Eddie backup against the wall then he looked at the spear that Beverly gave to him before they went deeper into the sewer

“This… kills monsters. If you believe it does. If you believe it does”

“IF YOU BELIEVE IT DOES…. BEEP BEEP, MOTHERFUCKER!!”

Eddie threw the spear. It landed in pennywise mouth, he let go of Richie then he landed on the ground, but he hasn’t fully if out of the effects

Eddie POV:

“Hey Rich, wake up! Come on, man! Wake up”!

“Don’t do this to me, Rich, I swear don’t-”

“What do I do, what do I do? Fuck! What… this happened to be once and ben…”

“I hope this works”

I looked at Richie then his lips, I placed my hands on the side of his face. I took a deep breath and exhaled. l lean in and kissed Richie. I couldn’t tell if it was working, then I felt a hand on the back of my head and then Richie pulled me a little closer. I didn’t want it to end, but I had to end it.

“Hey there he is! I did it, Rich I think I killed IT! I- think-”

Then out of nowhere Richie pushed me to the side, I heard a loud crash.

“We gotta move, buddy” Richie said quietly

“How did you- you just saved my ass, I could've…”

“Yeah and I gave you the ted talk about it later if you want, but now we gotta kill this fucking clown”

Time skip

After the Losers Club bullied pennywise to death and got his heart. When they place their hands on the heart. When Richie and Eddie’s fingers slightly touch, then they slowly interlocked their fingers and they hold on to each other. Eddie looked at Richie, he felt his face heat up. Then he looked back at the heart and the Losers crushed it.

At the lake

When Bev jumped into the water first then the others jumped in after her. They were so happy to be free from pennywise and finally killing him. When they started cleaning themselves. Richie and Eddie were doing their business and then they looked at each other, they smiled at each other and then they moved towards each other.

“Ed’s-”

“Rich I was so fucking scared”

Then they hug each other

“I never been so scared in my whole life, I could if die”

“Breathe eddie, it’s over. Don’t worry we did it, we killed the clown, it all over”

“I have to tell you something, you gotta promise me. You won’t freak out”

“What is it Rich”?

“Ed’s I been in love with you for 30 years

"You’re”

Richie pulled away to see Eddie

“Yeah I’m gay… everything Bowers said about me was true when we were kids, there’s that”

“It’s fine Richie, I felt the same way about you”

They look at each other, slowly leaned in. They kissed passionately, Richie ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair. They pulled away and touched each other’s forehead. Then they heard whistling from the Losers, Eddie giggle and Richie started yelling at them

“OH COME ON, DON’T DO THAT, FUCK ALL OF YOU, ME AND EDDIE WERE HAVING A MOMENT!”

“SERIOUS RICHIE IT TOOK YOU THIS LONG TO TELL EDDIE HOW YOU FEEL. IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU GREW SOME BALLS, RICHIE” Stanley said

“WELL THATS JUST FUCKING RUDE”!

Everyone started laughing and splashing each other, playing childish games. Then they got tired and swam back to shore then started walking back to town. While they were walking and some of them were talking to each other. Eddie was right behind Richie, he looked down at Richie’s hand. He took a deep breath then he gently grabbed Richie hand then wrapped his fingers around, Richie looked at, Eddie, smiled then he did the same thing.

Skip time

When they went back to the hotel and everyone took a shower and settled down, they decided to celebrate their victory and their freedom. They were drinking like crazy, they were cracking jokes, playing games and a little bit of dancing. A few hours later when things were finally settled, everyone went to their room, but when Eddie was about to go into this room, he turned around and walked towards Richie room. He knocked on the door. Richie open the door and smiled at Eddie

“Hey Ed’s what brings you here”?

“Nothing I was just wondering what if I can sleep with you tonight”

“Oh s-sure Eddie”

“Okay just let me get somethings and I’ll be in there”

“Okay”

Eddie walked back into this room and grabbed a couple of small things like, toothbrush, toothpaste, his phone etc. Then he changed into his pajamas, grabbed his things and went into Richie’s room.

“Richie is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just thinking”

“That’s dangerous”

“Yeah, so are you”

“What that supposed to mean?”

“I like you Eddie… More than anything”

Eddie smiled and he remembered how his heart was pounding against his chest and having butterflies in his stomach.

“I like you too, Richie more than a friend”

Richie smiled and hold Eddie hand

“What do we do”

“Well, first of all stop calling me Ed’s

Richie rolled his eyes and chuckled

"Second, we should wait and see what happens next?”

Richie looked at Eddie, he placed his hand on Eddie cheek and gently rubbed his cut on his face. He closed his eyes and moved closer into Richie’s hand, he looked up at him. Eddie leaned in, then he kissed him. Richie pulled Eddie closer and made the kiss deeper. Eddie grip onto his hair. Richie gently pushed him down onto the bed and they had a heated make out. When they pulled apart to catch their breath, Eddie pushed Richie onto his back then he got on top of him.

Eddie slowly took off his shirt

To be continued

[togetbetter501]

Another Ravenclaw

So I download an app to get rid of being bored. It’s bottled up. You send a message with a bottle and if the person got your bottle accepts your bottle, you start to talk. One day, I got a bottle and I saw the owner of the bottle is from Ravenclaw too. I thought that person can be Harry Potter fan too because I never seen a boy from Ravenclaw and I wanted to talk with someone who can understand my love for Harry Potter. So I accepted his bottle and we started to talk. I wasn’t care about it first, so I told him lots of things and he was always so kind to me. He said he was like Voldemort and he has no feelings because he killed them. He said his friends always say that he is like a Voldemort and that makes me so sad. Days passed when we kept texting and one day I said him that I watched a wonderful movie and it was like how my love life would be. I said One Day and 500 Days of Summer were how would my love life would be. After that he watched these two movies without even I ask for him to do. So I felt selfish about it and asked him for suggesting me two movies. I watched the one he suggested, The Forest. It was quıte scarry but I watched it all of it. And then while we were talking he said he is going to commit a suicide when he can go that suicide forest in Japan. After that, I asked for him not to do that, and he made a promise that he won’t do it before reading my 5 books. So after that, I keep texting him like madly. We talked about lots of things. And I said it’s my talent to make people gets bored of me. He asked if it was a challenge and he said I was coward after I said no. Then I accepted his challenge because I thought If I accept it, he can be happy and live longer. So he said if he wins, I have to give him a very long kiss from lips and I said fine because we are from different country and he can’t get his kiss if he wins. I said if I win, he has to write a poem for me. And we didn’t pick a date because I didn’t want him to run away from me. So after that, I kept trying to annoy him. He wasn’t like flirting horny men and he was very understanding. We kept talking days after days and I realised that I don’t want to lose him. So I asked if he has an instagram account and I said I don’t want to lose him if something happens to the app. He said he had before but he opened again after I insisted. So I looked at his account and saw a picture of a cup he was holding. That post from the day he opened again and that cup has a story that we both shared. When we were talking, I said I love mulled wine and it was kinda my favorite drink, so the next day he went to try mulled wine for me. So we kept talking from dms. I wrote him from app that saying I met someone, that person accepted a challenge, I asked what should I do to him so he can lose it, and told him to help me. And while were talking I said nobody wants to watch a movie with me and they can’t stand me because I talk too much and react too much. So we watched a movie that he picked, at the same time. We kept texting each other while we were watching Passengers. He said it was so much fun to watch it with me. I noticed I wanted to watch lots of movie with him, so I said he can get annoyed after 2 or 3 times.So he asked if it was another challenge and I said no. He got so excited and said If he wins, I have to comment ‘’I love you -his name-’’ on his last post. I overreacted and said I don’t even say that to my mom and it’s not easy for me to do that because his followers can get wrong and bla bla bla. In that moment I thought he wanted me to do that, so he can have fun with his friends about how stupid I am. I said it’s easy to watch 3 movies with me and he asked how many movies we should watch and I said 100 because I really wanted to have much more time with him but I didn’t think he would accept. He said deal and if he wins, I have to post a photo and write ‘’I love you, -his name-’’. So I thıught it was okay because I can find a loop hole even if he wins.But if I win, he has to write a song for me. So we watched The Greatest Showman as a starter of the challenge.It was so difficult to talk because he was working a lot. So six days ago, Saturday, an Italian boy that I talked a little and only about bread asked me if I can be friends with his Turkish friend and he said she was feeling sad. So I added and texted her on instagram after he insisted a lot. I realised that she was the perfect girl and she has everything I wanted for myself. So while I was talking with her, she acted like she wasn’t interest in to talk with me and she insulted me with flirting with everyone but I didn’t flirt with that Italian boy. While we were talking,she started to look down on me. The more I talked with her, the worse I started to feel bad about myself. So I said to the boy who has 2 challenge with me, that I met a perfect girl, she was making me feel worse, I didn’t want to use my phone for a while, I need some time to improve myself, so he won’t get bored of me and I said I hope that he wouldn’t think he wins and he should give me sometime.He asked if is because of her and should he talk to her and he said he doesn’t care who is she and if she would hurted me, she would regret it. He said he needed me and I said he doesn’t need anyone and he can survive few days without me. He really begged to me to stop talking with her. I didn’t reply to him and I had a total mental breakdown that saturday. I cried whole day and night and thought nobody likes me and needs me in their life. He texted me after I went, even though he was on night shift. So the day after that mental breakdown, I replied to him at noon on Sunday. I apologised for everything and he helped me to get some courage to blocked her. So I apologised to her and blocked her. But I wasn’t feeling well because I fried my brain the day before. He got happy and I came even though I didn’t recover fully. So we played Q&A and I asked him a few question. ‘’What is the last lie you told and when?’’, I asked him and he said ‘’I’am alright’’. I said I hope he didn’t lie to me and he said he lied when his friend asked if he was okay, the day I went offline. I said If he was feeling bad, he should tell me, because If he would, I wouldn’t went. He said it was after I went offline, I wasn’t there and I asked for time. I said I never shut my wifi after we started to talk and he can text me whenever he feels bad. So we talked and talked. Yesterday, I lied him and said I started to talk with her and she was making me sad. He begged for me to stop talking with her and he said he can text her after I said I can’t no to her. So I told him my other account name because I wanted to know what would he write. He was so caring. So we were talking and he said his lover left him when he was in the army, even though his lover promised to wait him. So we watched the second movie after he asked if we could watch it because he never seen them. It was so good to watch with him even though his wifi didn’t work much and he got annoyed to his computer. It was too funny to see that side of him. But I realised he doesn’t ask questions to get to know me better. He is in love Hatsune Miku and sometimes he sends me photos of her and I reply with nice comments to her. But I realised the most hurtful truth ever, he wanted me to post a photo with saying Ily to him because he can show his ex and he can make her jealous. That trutht hurts like hell because I do everything for him and I answer back as soon as he writes. And I can’t sleep without reading our daily texts. I don’t know if I like him, because I never like someone romantically before and I don’t know what to do if I will be platonic.And in deep down of my heart, I wish for him to win the first challenge and come here to get it. It would be awesome dream come true for me. But I think he enjoys that he found a clown like me. I don’t know what to do because we are talking for 2 months. Help! I need help! Somebody helps me about this situation because I am hopeless.

[detectivesplotslies]

SPEAKING OF MUSICALS what’re some songs that fit some v3 ships or moments in the game? Atleast In your opinion

Oh boy. Some of these are gonna be dumb and biased as a warning. I don’t know how many will be ships but I definitely have some moments from the game/character thought ones. This is gonna be a long post cause I like throwing in lyrics SORRY! Anon I hope you don’t regret this lmaoThis is getting…. very long so I think I’m gonna put them under the cut! :’DThere’s some Wicked, Chicago, Avenue Q, Scarlet Pimpernel, Hamilton, Into the Woods, RENT, The Greatest Showman, Little Shop of Horrors, The Producers, Come From Away and Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along BlogThere’s some Oumota, Saimatsu, Saiibo, and loose Saiouma in here, but also a few more general ones!

As most of you know, I have a Oumota Wicked AU, but there’s one song I’d like to point out that’s not for the ship that I quite like for the character in question, and that’s Wonderful, for Tsumugi. This one I found to be a great one for comparing what she does there in that au with some actual stuff in the game.Have some lyrics! I guess I just - wanted to give the citizens of Oz everything.

So you lied to them.

Elphaba, where I’m from, we believe all sorts ofthings that aren’t true. We call it“history.”A man’s called a traitor or liberatorA rich man’s a thief or philanthropistIs one a crusader or ruthless invader?It’s all in which labelIs able to persistThere are precious few at easeWith moral ambiguitiesSo we act as though they don’t exist 

—Another song, this one I discussed in a discord server with some awesome friends so not taking full credit for it, is We Both Reached For the Gun from Chicago for Kokichi and Gonta. The interview plays like the setup trial and while not exact is DEFINITELY an awesome play on the vibe and how it was done. Puppetry and motives running the entire show~! Also has some of the best choreography! And when the reporter starts agreeing that there is Shuichi proving it all.

Then describe it.He came toward me.With the pistol?From my bureau.Did you fight him?Like a tiger.He had strength and she had none.And yet we both reached for the gunOh yes, oh yes, oh yes we bothOh yes we bothOh yes, we both reached forThe gun, the gun, the gun, the gunOh yes, we both reached for the gunFor the gun.

—

The next one might be a weird one, and the dramatic delivery might not suit her as much, but I associate Falcon in the Dive from The Scarlet Pimpernel with Maki in chapter 5. It’s about a manhunt, hunting down an enemy, and how your own morals are already done and it’s up to you. There’s a bit of conflict in it about being bitter about it too and it fits some characterization I wish they had shown there there. It plays in with the memories they barely have as well. Have some lyrics!

There was a dream - a dying ember.There was a dream - I don’t remember …but I will resurrect that dream,though rivers stream and hills grow steeper.For here in hell, where life gets cheaper -oh, here in hell, the blood runs deeper.And when the final duel is near,I’ll lift my spear and fly.Piercing into the sky, and higher!And the strong will thrive!Yes, the weak will cower,while the fittest will survive!If we wait for the darkest hour‘til we spring alive,then with claws of fire,we devour like a falcon in the dive. —In a lighter tone, There is Life Outside Your Apartment from Avenue Q is a Kaito drags sidekicks to training song, I dare you to prove me otherwise.  When I say “everyone”, that includes you!There is life outside your apartmentI know it’s hard to conceive,but there’s life outside your apartment,and you’re only gonna see it if you leave.There is cool shit to do,but it can’t come to you.And who knows, dude,you might even score!There is life outside your apartment,but you’ve got to open the door!No, thanks, I’m staying in.Don’t tell me I gotta force you.Sorry!All right everyone! He’s resisting! —OKAY so if you follow me by now you know I really enjoy Kokichi. When I was looking for songs, @dykeenvy reminded me of this one and it fits Chapter 5 Kokichi so well, so shoutout to them! Last Midnight from Into the Woods for Kokichi. It’s the point where everyone’s arguments and blame (from the song Your Fault! which is ALSO a good V3 song, it’s like… every trial) turns to the witch and she’s done with them and it’s great, specifically this lyrical sequence! You’re so nice You’re not good You’re not bad You’re just nice I’m not good I’m not nice I’m just right I’m the witch You’re the world  I’m a hitch I’m what no one believes I’m the witch You’re all liars and thieves Like his father Like his son will be, too Oh, why bother? You’ll just do what you do

—

OKAY now onto some more dialogue heavy stuff! Non-Stop from Hamilton for Kokichi & Shuichi! Let me explain. Kokichi I find is very like Hamilton, making himself the center of it all, writing, not stopping, going at it all, making enemies but overall doing more and more ambitious. Meanwhile Shuichi is a lot more like Burr, says less, but knows what he’s doing, and bewildered by Hamilton’s methods. Keeps his cards close to his chest until he needs them. Kokichi writing like he’s running out of time is so very very in character. It just fits him SO WELL. It could even represent Kokichi’s attempt to partner with him in chapter 4 and being turned down. Some lyrics! Why do you always say what you believe?Why do you always say what you believe?Ev'ry proclamation guarantees free ammunition for your enemiesWhy do you write like it’sGoing out of style?Write day and night like it’sGoing out of style?Ev'ry day you fight like it’sGoing out of style—On a more somber note, I think The Story of Tonight from Hamilton has great post game VR AU feels for the survivors and maybe Rantaro too in the midst of causing Team Danganronpa some disastrous reactions to their forced ending. I love aus where they are getting legal repercussions and the cast is being held, the dead maybe even still under, until it’s worked out and I think this fits here

I may not live to see our glory! (I may not live to see our glory!)But I will gladly join the fight! (But I will gladly join the fight!)And when our children tell our story… (And when our children tell our story…)They’ll tell the story of tonightLet’s have another round tonight (Let’s have another round tonight)Let’s have another round tonightRaise a glass to freedomSomething they can never take awayNo matter what they tell youRaise a glass to the four of us Tomorrow there’ll be more of usTelling the story of tonightThey’ll tell the story of tonight —

Okay, another shoutout to @dykeenvy and the Yeehonk! server for this one since we chatted about it in there BUT - Take Me or Leave Me from Rent is an Oumota song. The energy, the stances, the stubborness. It is ALL THERE. A tiger in a cageCan never see the sunThis diva needs her stage, babyLets have funYou are the one I chooseFolks will kill to fill your shoesYou love the lime light to now babySo be mine but don’t waste my timeCryin’, “Oh, honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?”Take me for what I amWho I was meant to beAnd if you give a damnTake me baby or leave me —

I’d be remiss to not do another Tsumugi song, given who I am. So I’m bringing up Opening Night from The Producers for Tsumugi. For her ending disaster and the audience complaints during the PTA segment! I just… really like to think it was a all blamed on her sometimes hahah. Sorry mugi.He’s done it againHe’s done it againMax Bialystock has done it againWe can’t believe itYou can’t conceive itHow’d he achieve it?It’s the worst show in town!We sat there sighingGroaning and cryingThere’s no denyingIt’s the worst show in townOh, we wanted to stand up and hissWe’ve seen shit, but never like this

—

Okay for this one just… hear me out. The Other Side from The Greatest Showman for Oumota. A circus ringleader and a respectable patron of the arts walk into a bar, argue about their reputations a bit, make a deal and talk about living a little. Clowns are even mentioned. I mean come on! Don’t you know that I’m okay with this uptown part I get to play‘Cause I got what I need and I don’t want to take the rideI don’t need to see the other sideSo go and do like you doI’m good to do like meAin’t in a cage, so I don’t need to take the keyOh, damn! Can’t you see I’m doing fineI don’t need to see the other side

Now is this really how you like to spend your days?Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays

If I were mixed up with you, I’d be the talk of the townDisgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns

But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a littleJust let me give you the freedom to dream And it’ll wake you up and cure your achingTake your walls and start ‘em breakingNow that’s a deal that seems worth takingBut I guess I’ll leave that up to you —

Kokichi in ships is always a troublesome thing, as he’s got a lot of issues with himself too, so I think Leave from Once is very Kokichi. Oof. Sorry this one is mostly angst fodder. I can’t wait forever is all that you saidBefore you stood upAnd you won’t disappoint meI can do that myselfBut I’m glad that you’ve comeNow if you don’t mindLeave, leave,And free yourself at the same timeLeave, leave,I don’t understand, you’ve already goneAnd I hope you feel betterNow that it’s outWhat took you so longAnd the truth has a habitOf falling out of your mouthBut now that it’s comeIf you don’t mindLeave, leave,And please yourself at the same time

—

Now for something completely different! Meek Shall Inherit from Little Shop of Horrors for Shuichi! Moral dilemmas, biases and making terrible decisions for the sake of people liking him after his ‘success’ starts building. Oof. Sorry Shuichi, I know Seymour’s not the most moral character but the comparison is there a bit. My future’s startingI’ve got to let itStick with that plantAnd gee my bank account will thriveWhat am I saying?No way, forget itIt’s much too dangerous to keep that plant aliveI take these offersThat means more killingWho knew success would come with messy nasty strings?I sign these contractsThat means I’m willingTo keep on doing bloody, awful, evil things

—

Now for a different ship! My Freeze Ray from Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog for Saimtasu. I think it outlines Shuichi’s anxiety when trying to get close to Kaede pretty well, and also how little he knows about her at the start, but is still cute! With my freeze ray I will stop the worldWith my freeze ray I willFind the time to find the words to

Tell you howHow you makeMake me feelWhat’s the phrase?Like a foolKinda sickSpecial needsAnyways —

One more. This ship’s just one of my comfort ones and of course I’m giving it angst. Stop the World from Come From Away for Saiibo. Specifically at the end of trial 6, where they know everything;s coming down, shuichi and the survivors made their choice, and Kiibo’s going to self destruct, and everything;s going to end, but they all get one more goodbye. Agh Kiibo didn’t need to go then and it makes me sad.  Stop the worldSeize the momentBut the minute he goes you’re alone, and it’s through pinch yourselfTell yourself:“You’re just dreaming, that means he’ll forget about you”

But here we areWhere the continents once crashed togetherBefore they went their separate ways forever, so stop the world

—Sorry for rambling so very LONG anon. Hope you enjoy these, maybe you’ll find a new song today :’D